Ain't Gonna Happen

 

Don't you just love proper grammar?

It was a day like any other. He tells me "let's go for a little ride". And I agree. Assuming it's a quaint little ride within the safety of the harbor. But rather than turning left passed Harbor Island, we headed straight. Straight into the howls of a raging ocean waiting to swallow me whole.

I knew it was rough when he asked me to head downstairs and grab some pfd's. I stammered back up and he immediately put one on. You know you're in sound professional hands when he flips the thing over and over and finally gives in "how do you put this thing on?" 

We have the standard dinky little type of floatation devices. Very basic. I don't know what to say really. Isn't it obvious how it goes? I mean, even this little baby figured it out. I don't know if I should laugh or poop my pants from fear as stuff is crashing about down below. I am talking one rough mothawfuckin sea! I am trying to divert myself from excessive fear by watching dolphins dodge dip dive duck and... dodge around us. It didn't work. Even the dolphins looked afraid.

They did! You'll have to trust me on this one.

Finally we get the sails back in and with tails ducked between our legs we head back home, to our little dock. And that's when it happens. My phone rings, it's a local call. Local call thrill me, since I don't know ANYBODY here, it can only mean one thing: JOB INTERVIEW! The connection is scratchy at best, but I do hear her ask me if I want an interview. YESSSSSS! I do, of course I do! I can barely understand the rest to which I (almost scream out) email me the details, I'm having a hard time hearing you.

One hour later an email comes in from a yahoo account with an address and a date and time. I look through the places where I've applied and none match that address. Plus it's from a yahoo account? How professional! I google the address.

Not good. I email her asking for details on the position "to help me better prepare for the interview as I've applied for a few positions recently". She emails me back "those are very good questions, please jot them down and so-and-so will be more than happy to discuss this with you". The questions were basic: who is the potential employer? what is the job?

He tells me to ignore it all and not show up. I'm wanting to go just for fun (and a dam good blog story to boot).  "You don't have time to waste on shit like that" And here I thought I did... I did email her back explaining how I need details. Her time is valuable and we don't want to waste it if the job is really not a good fit. Her reply: Life bank and casualty. Or something like that.

I don't want to work at "or something like that."

Oh well, back to the ol' drawin' board! Maybe my resume needs a pfd!