I Love Getting Mail Like This

Thanks Diva in Demand!

Diva in Demand hosted a giveaway a while back. And I won! Me! 3 gift certificates to try out Pillsbury's new frozen breakfast. We tried this one this morning. And be "we" I mean Booby ate this! He toasted it in our toaster oven rather than the recommended microwave. Yum - crispy IS a major food group you know!

How Rude Of Me!

Vinny C gave me an award.

I accepted the award.

I did the prompted post about the award.

I talked about all the posts I was supposed to talk about.

Then nothing.

Winning!

My great blog pal, Vinny C, re-gifted an award for me! Most of you (among the 5 readers of mine) already read him, but in case you've never discovered his Picasso'ish talent please do go and visit! And you'll love having him reading your blog simply because his comments are to-die for.

Another award with baggage! Lot's of work behind this one. I had to walk down memory lane and produce THIS list:

Most Beautiful:
I wrote a piece inspired by a simple picture of red leaves. It was a Magpie inspiration. The poem had bits of lyrics and how they intertwined with my parents love story. And how it ended in their hate story. I read this out loud to my husband and he had tears in his eyes. So for this, I need to call it my most beautiful. LINK

Most Helpful:
Do's and Dont's. My guide to what NOT to wear or do. I'm not usually helpful, and this is as close at it gets! LINK

Most Controversial:
I think its where I said the R word and got slashed by a reader. Then I wrote a "Dear Anonymous" post expressing my anger. I hate that society has corrected what we say but does little to change people's attitudes and actions. It's not my words that cause harm and havoc, it's people's tolerance and openness... I guess I was angry that:
a- this person hid behind the screen of anonymity
b- getting slashed for using a word when the reader does not even know who I really am...  LINK

Most Surprisingly Successful:
How do I judge this one? According to Blogger Stats this post has the most hits and I really don't know why! LINK

But... this post has the most comments. I think the amount of comments proves more success than the amount of hits. I don't know... But this post talked about my fears and how I try to face them. LINK

Most Underrated:
A writing prompt poem with a template that talks about where I'm from. I loved this piece! I put so much time and effort into it. Normally for my posts, I just sit in front of my computer, right to the new post page and hit publish immediately. I have an average of 5 minutes work in every post. Give or take 20 minutes or so. Ok, so it's more than 5 minutes, but that's how it feels. So when I write a post over a period of 2 days, that feels like a lot of work. According to blogger this post has 6 page views. 6!!! For the love of Allah! I worked hard on this one and very few have seen it or read it!  LINK

Most Prideworthy:
I am most proud of... another Magpie prompt. It was based on an image: a picture frame. I ran with the frame notion and wrote a short fictional piece on a woman framed for the murder of her husband. Again, I worked pretty hard on this piece and got very positive reviews. When I published it I had every intention of writing a follow up...  LINK

AND I called this post WINNING because also...

1. I received my 10-yr Green Card in the mail this week!
2. I won a giveaway from Diva in Demand
3. As I write this I am ripping my very LAST dvd: 123 movies; 2 full seasons of Squibillies; 127 episodes of Seinfeld; 1 full season of Robot Chicken; 42 episodes of Family Guy; 6 episodes of Eastbound & Down; and only 5 movies did not rip correctly!

Guess Who Lurves Me?

Cake Betch is hurting... help make her feel better!

Cake Betch is a cool blogger. I found her through Pat Tillett when she featured a story of his in her drawings. I know we all love Allie Brosh and her Hyperbole and a Half... Cake is Ohio's Version of Oregon's Allie. Yeah. She's THAT good. I love her cartoons and her stories. I think I may have recently read on Twitter that she bought a backpack and hadn't had one in so many years! Really? I don't ever remember a time where I didn't have one.

I always have oodles of backpacks and try as much as I can to fight the urge from buying more.

Anyways, as usual - I'm totally not focusing.

Cake Betch needs some bloggy lovin'. She's going through some icky turmoils. Shit she doesn't deserve...  So go check her out you'll enjoy her stories... I hate it when people I admire go through sadness. Don't they know they're freakin' awesome?

Oh, and she gave me an awaaaaaaard! Something about being an inspiration... She actually dedicated it to me as a roller derby biotch. So I don't know if it should go to Marr*Bulls or to me. That personality disorder of mine is in full swing! I'll gladly accept it here, maybe put the award up on my other blog...

I am supposed to give it to 10 other bloggers. Ugh. If I read you then I love you, then you deserve the award... right? RIGHT? I love getting awards because I'm messed up that way and need the recognition, but choosing a limited group of people is SO HARD!

Way too hard. But this time I'm giving it to only one person. And it's a dude I find very inspiring. It goes to Micael Chadwick. Yes. He is inspiring. And has inspired me to create more art and leave behind me more beauty - as he does daily. Micael, you are a true inspiration. I know... I know... You don't give a rat's ass about these awards, and you're no longer "blogging" per say, but you still have a blog and still post regularly on it.

And because I think you are so deserving of this award, I'm not diluting it by making you share it with 9 others. This goes out to you. And only you. Don't ever stop making this planet a better place mon ami, your art is sheer beauty and anybody who gets to see it becomes a better person.

Tagged by a Wannabe Stripper

Chrissy from I Shoulda Been a Stripper tagged me.  Years and years ago when I heard the word "blogger" out of curiosity I googled the term because I had no idea what a blogger was and what it ate for breakfast. Trying to figure out what a blog was, google took me mainly to "specialized" blogs. This is how I found the Sartorialist and Stuff White People Like.

Confused, I decided there must be more to this world of blogging. So I dug deeper and found Chrissy. And fell in love with Chrissy. She made it look possible, yet she made it look easy. That's how good she is. She made me laugh. She made me think. And she made me want to share and blog my life away. I knew that when I'd never grow up, I wanted to be a cool blogger like Chrissy. And now she tagged me! *Shivers down my spine*

This is a Q&A type of tag. And here are my answers...

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?
My dream dog (which exists in my heart and my dreams only) is a total part of my family. And I love him to shreds, I only wish he'd come true soon.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Uhm, to have a dog? I just dream of a simple little happy life. You know like the visuals I created on the right hand corner of my blog? Yeah. I dream of that.

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?
I stress out too much. Way-way-way too much. I keep myself up at night for everything and anything. All the "what if's" that usually never end up happening. I wish I could just chill and not stress out so much.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
For starters I'd buy a Mini Cooper convertible. That car is the shits. Then I'd buy a beach house so I'd have a place to go when 50% of the people in my marriage want to take off sailing. And I'd donate more than half of it to various charities. Buy more Apple stock. Give a million to each of my nieces/nephew. And blog about it.

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Washing dishes. Music. The smell of bubble gum (old school type like you found in hockey cards)

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loving. Usually when you love you get love back. The more you give in love the more you receive. Maybe not from the same person, but I believe in natural laws of balance, what goes around comes around.

7. What is your bedtime routine?
First thing is I floss. Then I brush my teeth. Then I pee (brushing my teeth ALWAYS makes me want to pee immediately like a Pavlovian effect). Then I put on my pj's. I plug my phone in and turn it off (ugh, wish that were true, I turn the ringer off). Then I pee again in case my bladder did not fully empty itself the previous time (joys of aging). Then I grab my book, get my iPod ready and settle into bed. After five minutes of reading I go back to the toilet. What can I say. I'm sick like that.

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?
I met him at a festival in Iowa (of all places) where I happened to be upon invitation from a colleague and he was there because of a local race. The world came to a sudden halt when I saw him.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?
A painter. The Louvres museum in Paris is amazing for this. People set up their easels and reproduce works of art. Some of them are purely amazing. Also I love to watch a carver in action.To witness the sculpture slowly being exposed from a block is bewildering.

10. What kinds of books do you read?
I just got done with The Hunger Games trilogy. I've never finished growing up, the teenie-bopper books (Harry Potter, Twilight, etc. hook me in). I love being told a good story. So anything goes for me other than those cheap romance or cowboy stories...

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
How would I do that? With a time machine.

12. What’s your fear?
Being forgotten. When I'd get lost at the mall, as a kid my first reaction was ALWAYS to run out to the parking lot and make sure my mom's car was still there. For some reason I always thought she'd forget me and go home and never notice I was missing. This fear is still hanging around. That's why I love getting mail even if it's bills. Mail confirms I haven't been forgotten.

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
Where do I sign up? I prefer munching on raw cucumbers any day of the week. Besides, define "junk". Is a carne asada taco junk when it's well done?

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?
That one is easy. Being that I'm currently married and poor I'll stick with that.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
Duh! Go to the toilet.

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?
Make him less stubborn. And and better dental hygiene. Flossing goes a loooong way!

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
Chrissy Starr. haha! I don't know!  I'd give myself Alex for a first name. It's strong. And it works in both of my languages.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Yes. I always forgive. Sometimes THAT is the problem. My forgiveness comes too easy.

19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
Carne Asada tacos.

And now I get to do the tagging and send the blog love towards 4 cybernetic pals:

1. One of my most faithful readers becca from My Life
2. Little Miss SubWow from The Absence of Alternative
3. Nari from narislife
4. umseti from Stupid America

Now get to work my lovely peeps!

Look Who's Stylin' Now!

Thanks Minute Man's Wife!

Between meditations this minute man's wife is trying to deal with a sudden changes in her life as she becomes a step-mom. After further reflection here's how I want to introduce her: this wild and crazy party animal struggles through sudden changes as she becomes a step-mom and uses meditation in order to avoid kill innocent bystanders.

Yes. That is better. Wanna know how she described me?  And I quote:

"has been one of the most enjoyable rides (that's what she said, no really she actually did) I’ve taken in a while. Her writing will leave you wishing ("I'll have what she had", heh heh) your desk chair came with a seat belt. She will rock your world and send you into uncontrollable fits of giggles"

Thanks mysterious Minute Man's Wife (why mysterious, to this day she still refuses to tell me WHY she calls herself this. All we know (thank godfully) is it has nothing to do with his (sexual) endurance)!

I want to give this award to bloggers to whom I've NEVER given awards:

1. The Girl Not at the Rockshow
2. Bouncin Barb
3. A Vapid Blonde
4. Edie B Kuhl
5. Pat Tillet

And now back to me. I have to list 5 of my favorite things (other than typical things like kittens, puppies and rainbows, otherwise it would be boring)

1. I LOVE how every single day Booby (my husband) wakes up and the first thing he does is he smiles at me. I'll never get tired of this. And trust me when I say he smiles, its such a sincere smile like how a dog greets you when you open the door and jumps all over you as if he's repeating over and over "ohmygod-ohmygod-ohmygod she's back, she's back, i'm so happy she's back, it felt like a lifetime, but she's back, i wonder if she brought me some bacon, but i don't care because she's back-she's back-she's back and i hope she never ever leaves again" this is the dog's thinking process when you re-open the door after getting your newspaper that was thrown 3 feet from the door...
2. I love the smell of freshly opened old school bubble gum. I'm talking about that little stick of gum that came with hockey cards (or baseball cards which I never collected) or those wacky stickers which I don't know if you remember those little delights from the 70s. But THAT gum, that smell is bewildering. I wish I could have sex in a bubble gum storage room. I wonder if the Wish Foundation ever received such a request. I'll have to check into that.
3. I love bacon and dark chocolate. The darker the better. That's for the chocolate. Dark bacon? Never heard of it. What's wrong with you?
4. I love how when we watch TV we are always holding hands. We do this thing where we lock our nails into each other, I guess you could call it fingernail-69'ing. Trust me, it's addictive and feels so good. You should try it. Just pick the right partner for this, like when you're at a business meeting and you're being introduced to people, this may not be a good time to try out the fingernail-69'ing. But then again, it could bring out interesting chit-chat during a job interview. A good ice breaker and topic starter maybe? I'll let you know how it goes after my next interview.
5. I love smiling. I don't care if it makes me look demented or totally stupid like if I should wear a hockey helmet: smiling makes me feel good. And people usually always smile back. Which is my way of making the world a better place. Plus when you smile to strangers you never know what may come of it, they may offer you their spot in line at the grocery store, they may spontaneously give you chocolate but if the smile was extra warm this may come with bacon. Mmmm, baconnnnn.

Can Being A Little OCD Be A Good Thing?

Thanks AbsolutelyPrimed!

Is it even possible to be just a little OCD? Doesn't being obsessive compulsive about anything kinda goes totally against anything that could be quote-unquote little?

AbsolutelyPrimed gave me this gaga cool award. Thanks APrimed! And of course there are rules...

Rule #1 - Pimp out the giver.

Who does a pimp pimp out? His bitches right? And what is the definition of a bitch? (Stay with me here, I'm going somewhere with this...).

Thanks Merriam. Very good definition. Female dog. I'll stick with that. Absolutely Primed eats milkbones. Those are dog biscuits. DOG biscuits. So because she eats dog food I get to call her my bitch. So I get to pimp her out. You don't believe me? Read her blog, you'll see!

I'll even slap in another link here for you!  Thanks a lot, I needed another award. I always need them to be honest... And this one had perfect timing. And now back to the rules...

Rule #2 Give this award to other bloggers and just like if it were a STD you gotta let them know they have it. (or something like that, you know how I love to ad-lib) I must admit I always hate this part. Not that I don't like to give what I receive (I know you all want my STD's) but I always struggle with choosing WHO to give it to. This time I'll try to pick bloggers to whom I've never given any (STDs):

1. Oilfield Trash from Make Daddy a Sammich.
2. Minute Man's Wife
3. Patty Punker
4. Peter from Triton Cove

Rule #3 Share 7 things about you people do not know... Unless you're my BFF (Best Facebook Friend) you will NOT know that:

 

On February 21st I will be attending Roller Derby Boot Camp. Whoa a minute here... I need to repeat that: roller ... derby ... boot ... camp ... holy crap! What am I insane? And is it just me or should it be called the "roller derby SKATE camp"??? Please don't let these chicks break any of my bones! 

You all know about my rubber duckie poofer thing because of this story but what you may not know is the fact that I still have this thing may scientifically prove I have a certain level of OCD. I bought this little guy during my first marriage (which ended in 2003). I know it's not 2011. And NO that poofer is NOT 8 years old, that would totally go against my OCD tendencies. I love my little duckie so much that I bought a roll of string so I can replace the poofer when it needs to be replaced. And every time I move and make sure to pack the duckie and the roll of string. And yes, the roll of string is here on my boat! Look at him! Isn't he the best thing you've ever seen???

I like to draw fairies. I also love to draw fishies and life underwater as I picture it in my brain. But I have a whole series of fairies. I like to believe in magic and that by drawing these little creatures cool things will happen to me. I know. Sick. But true. Word.

I made 2 quilts. They're actually quilts that are sewn onto throw blankets. But I made them and gave them away. The first one I gave to my (ex) boss's mom because she was wonderful. The second one I gave to my (ex) driver's wife. I wanted she and I to become great friends. We kinda did, but that totally went down the toilet at the end of the racing season when she got drunk and started saying stuff to Booby. Stuff that a wife cannot forget or forgive. I no longer own a sewing machine. But my mom was so proud of me when I told her about the first quilt. She sent pictures of it to all her friends.

My legs wont tan. At all. And I'm so self-conscious of those WHITEY MCWHITE legs that I spray them. Not as much as that Snookie chick on Jersey Shore (a show I've never watched btw) but just enough to not be laughed at in public. Which happened. A lot. Remember this story? It was a huge issue for me. And I hate being laughed at. Big time. I only spray the legs though. The rest of me tans fine. Thanks for your concern!

 

Ever since moving on a boat, all we get for TV service is via a trusty little own antenny. That's it. Nothing else. No cable. No satellite. Nothing. I miss some of my favorite shows that run strictly on the cool cable channels like Breaking Bad, Californication, True Blood, Dexter, etc. I know, most of those shows aren't running right now. But still. I know that when their season starts I'll be sitting there with my little TV and it's bunny ears watching reruns of The Office and When I Met Your Mother... Didja know there is a channel dedicated to old Olympics? And they mainly run Winter Games? Like the Biathlon and stuff like that. Weird.

I've contested every single traffic and parking violation I've ever got. Every single one of them. I've also won every single won of my cases. Except for one. One parking ticket that the judge (I think he was on to me, since I always asked for a French court and he was the only judge in town) gave me a 50% discount from the last time I got fined and contested. It's much easier than you think. And it's actually a lot of fun. Of course, that is IF your work allows you to skip out for court appearances.

Wow. Seven things. A lot harder than you'd think to come up with! A lot harder...

New Address - New Award!

Yayyyyy! (As I write this, I am picturing myself as one of the Sesame Street puppets that jumps up and down while madly flailing his arms in the air, not sure if it was Ernie or not...)

Have you noticed I've moved? Look around, see anything different? My url is now directed straight out to www.mycyberhouserules.com  no more dot blogspot, or that old noreallyitsnotme silly stuff. I really think there's way to many blogs out there, when you try to get your blogspot url everything is already taken. Hence that goofy name I had... *sigh*

So! What's this post about really?

I have the joy of reading some of your comments that are just so funny, I think I need to tell the world about it! Some of you guys... deserve an award for that goofiness, and since your work place is most likely not going to compensate you for it, and your families are probably not appreciating your shifty style of commenting, I figure who better than ME to yell it on the roof tops, or blab about it here at my cyber house...

This "I count on you to make me laugh award" goes out to those who've made me laugh via their comments:

1. Holly, you were the original one, the first to technically discover and stick with me, and the first to actually say such great stuff I'd have to go back and edit my posts to include your wit.
2. Nari, you're always there, with some great stuff and my life would lose all it's sunshine if you stopped commenting...
3. ThePeachy1 I will hold up to my promise of pimping you out, but til then, these awards I'm giving you will have to do the trick!
4. Vinny, I don't know what part of the world you're living in, but you still manage to rock mine!
5. Kevin, although I think you've left me a comment only once, it was indeed worthy of an award! Whoo boy, yeah it was THAT good!
6. Doctor Cynicism, it's been a while, but yet I still remember and crave and wish you'd come back again and again, your wit is bewildering!

That's it for now. Now a lot of you leave me regular comments, not that I don't appreciate them as much, actually I do, I really do, but these guys above here? Insanely funny shit man!

What are the rules? They are more flexible than my legs, trust me. If you accept the award, please thank me (the person who gave it to); please re-gift it and offer it to those who make you laugh on your blog and answer this simple question: do your witty answers pop instantly in your head when you read the post with an immediate urge to hit the comment button or do you have to sit and ponder?

The one thing I hate about offering awards is leaving out others who may deserve it, so this award has a never ending shelf life. I get to pull it out every time I get a piss in my pants comment, ditto goes out to the people I've given this award to, you get to give it out again and again (like herpes, only better because it's from me.)

Oilfield Trash is the Shizz Fo'Shure!

This award is so pretty! Look at it, isn't it lovely? Thanks Oilfield! If any of my peeps still hasn't discovered this blogger, please I urge you go now! Here's his link. Poor guy, he's been stuck at 98 followers, and you know what? There's nothing worse than being right there, just about to reach the 3 digits then suddenly stalllllllll. I'm telling you, Oilfield is the best kept secret. It's like I'm watching him grow right before my eyes, his posts and stories just keep getting better and better!

And of course there's rules. I just covered the first one, which is to thank the giver. And I'll say it again: Thanks Oilfield! My day has been made. ツ

This award also has a fun side (for me at least, because I get to talk about ME!) and answer these questions: 

1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this?  If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?

I ran my first blog openly. My family, friends, co-workers and mainly race fans read it. In a way it was cool, just about every race a fan would approach me telling me he'd been reading my blog daily for years and I think it even made my husband proud to see people asking me for my autograph because of it. But also, because of it I had to censor myself to a total and utter point of boredom.

After 4 years of blogging as me, my real me - I put an end to it and created Miss Nikki.  And she's bad ass! Much more loud and outgoing than I'd ever be! I would highly recommend to anybody starting a blog to do so anonymously! All the way!

2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side.

When I was in high school (I won't tell you the year, because well some of my readers are actually born about the time I graduated (oh my bones) yeah, that bad) I switched province half way. My parents were going through a divorce and I picked my dad. Against all odds. My mom put up quite the battle. None of my sisters followed be, I became outcast. But I stood my ground.

Also, changing schools, and provinces was sweet. I never should have graduated! I'd failed major courses such as physics and history. I told them I'd lost ALL my files, not only did they believed me they made me skip a grade! All I had to do for the last 2 years of high school was pass 1 of each per year math, French and English plus any 4 other class of my choosing! I have a high school diploma with zero credits in: physics, chemistry, history, algebra, etc. If that is not being stubborn I don't know what is!

What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?

Spots. Every time I take a good look at myself I'm convinced I have skin cancer. I try to avoid looking too much in the mirror and trust my husband that I look great!

What is your favourite summer cold drink?

I love a good cold beer. I'm Canadian, it's in my DNA. I also love a very chilled glass of Pinot Grigio... Oh ok, and water. Plain old tap water on ice, nothing beats agua!

When you take time for yourself, what do you do?

Jump on my computer, read blogs, write stories... I also love to just chill with a good book, some tunes in the background and a glass of Pinot! (Shit, why save the good stuff for just a few months of the year, right?)

Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life?

I want to learn to speak Spanish fluently. I want to learn to love my man. I want to enjoy being, just simply being and not always chasing adventures and experiences, you know be more fuckin' zen. I want to get to the point with my mother where she'll finally accept me, and forgive me since she still to this day does not accept the fact I chose my dad over her.

When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?

I was the class clown who was always over-achieving and joining every club and committee to compensate the fact that I was so totally shy... Shit, I even ditched school for a whole week so I could accept my first paying job as a clown for our Winter carnival. That was the shits!

If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?

The moment I met Booby (that's my husband, only I hate the term husband since it makes me feel too old and responsible). It was one of those earth shattering moments. Where he walked out of a crowd just as I was walking towards it and we spotted each other and then time stood still. We walked towards each other and I felt drawn like if I knew I was there to meet up with him. We held on to each other for 2 hours as we introduced ourselves to each other. He told me he loved me. Told his friends he'd finally met the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with.

Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events?

My blog is mainly about me. I find when I write about other people and events I become too nagging, or soap-boxish. Like if I know what's best and those posts don't come out as interesting as how others do it. Unless I give it a total twist like my previous post. I had fun doing that one and it came out of nowhere!

If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?

Read a book. I hate talking on the phone. I'm a mega phone spaz. I really am. I'm like a social clutz and never know what to say... Whereas a book? I love a good story. I totally allow myself to get wrapped up in them and usually need over a week before I start a new one.

AND NOW THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:

I want to share this award with... (drum roll)

1. Laura from Fetch My Flying Monkeys
2. Peachy from Being Peachy
3. The Simple Dude in a Complex World
4. Brian Miller from WaystationOne

Come back tomorrow... I have another award to give out!!!  Can't dish out all the good in one day!

p.s. My blog has moved, but you may not have noticed it. I'm now at mycyberhouserules.com

It's About Time!

I'm so behind (haha, yes that was a non intended pun but oh so much appreciated by my immature self) on this award. Don't you just hate it when your real life starts meddling with your cyber life? I do. I got this AWESOME award from Vinny C. I love love love his blog. There wasn't any real rules with this award (jussa my kindaward). But unless I misunderstood him, I think it's about saying it like it is, no fear, just putting it out there.

I want to share this award with 2 fellow bloggers who are ALL about blasting it when it needs to be blasted.

1. Holly from Are You Serious  she is a hootin' an hollerin' blogger.
2. Micael, aka the Rabbit from The Journey. He rocks. And he's all about blastin' the deservin'...

Secondly...  I got a funky little cool froggy award from the Glitter Frog.  She hosts a weekly caption contest, every Tuesday. It's fun and it flexes your creative brain muscles. Now I can't share this award, but I can share the joy of playing her game! Go! Now! Check her out... I dare you to try and beat me!

******

You know what? It's almost Christmas. I thought I'd tell you in case you hadn't noticed the overly crowded stores with frantic shoppers, the traffic jams by the malls, the non-stop Christmas music playing EVERYWHERE! So, have a very merry Christmas.

******

Also, did you know people are weird? I just now found out (on NBC's breaking news people are addicted to sleeping with their hairdryers, so much so they're getting burned. By their hairdryer while they sleep with it. Weird.)

A Simple Award from a Simple Dude

Find the Dude HERE!

I feel like total shit. It's Thanksgiving in Canada (yay) and I OVERATE (booo)!  Today I started the day with a banana muffin (yum), then 2 toasts with Brie (love the stink) cheese and a tad bit of raspberry jam, and a über good cup of latté, then halfway on our drive over to visit the aunts and uncle and cousin we HAD to stop in Alfred!  ALFRED! Capital of the best friggin poutine in zee world! Yum! It's greasy, fattening, absolutely non-healthy whatsofuckinever! Which is why we LOVE it!

Then at the aunts and uncle and cousin's place we did what? We ate! Cake, chips, cookies, doritos, and another cup of COFFEE! Roll out to the car and drive back to my mom's for... BBQ chicken, ribs, potatoes (burp) and topped it off with a healthy dose of a date square. I'm stuffed like a Cornish hen. (I don't even know if we stuff hens or not... just thought it might make me sound smart... like a Smartie... mmmm chocolate!)

So now that I feel horrible (and I'm sneezing non stop, my mom is a bit of a hoarder, and so the dust is running crazily in her home:  the nose is drippy, eyes are teary and the stomach is overloaded with crap) I will share some joy.  The Simple Dude (living in a complex world) bequeathed me this award: the ass-kickin'-beer-drinkin'-blog-award. How does he know I've been kickin' some asses and drinkin' beers? Hmmm... I think he's been spyin' on me... And the best part is that this award has no rules! NONE!

It's like a take it or leave it cause I don't give a shit award. Jussamytypeofstuffman!

Thanks Dude!  And I hope you'll be happy and pleased in your new home with the cute little girlfriend of yours (yeah, keep the blinds shut, because I've been spying too, haha!)

p.s. this is my first award from a guy... don't know why it is but THAT makes me feel even better about it! why is that?

Vicki Who Likes Frogs Likes Me TOO!

Check out her blog here, the Glitter Frog blog. I love that! I've always said if I were a stripper my name would be Glitter. And, being French-Canadian, I am a frog, at least that's how they call us over there. Frogs! What a perfect combo...

She gave me this award and the rules are that I have to thank her. Muchas Gracias Vicky and merci beaucoup, and danke, and all that glitter jazz! I'm happy. I like getting awards AND I am sitting at the airport flying out to Montreal... Yippee! I'll be celebrating the Canadian Thanksgiving with my family and then following that up by sharing a hangover with my family also... As the saying goes, a family that drinks together, is a family that stays together! It's not really A saying, but it's MY saying.

The second rule of this award (I totally forgot WHY I was writing this post, sorry to be so loopy!) is to re-gift it to 15 other bloggers I'VE RECENTLY DISCOVERED! The recently discovered threw me for a loop, being that I am a loopy person, this is tricky. Who have I recently discovered?

1. Alex from Late Enough she reminds me of who I'd be if I were a stay at home mom... (if I had kids...)
2. I love Nenette from Life Candy
3. Digging the simplicity of this dude... The Simple Dude
4. Love Brian Miller's writing more than I love chocolate, which says A LOT!
5. Want to take care of Phoenix who finds courage behind her keyboard and shares her stories of being an agoraphobe  (EEEKS! I can't find her anymore! Her link isn't working... I'll have to hunt her down and change this asap. Sorry Phoenix, where are you? - new link is up! yay)
6. Dr Cynicism who's humor cracks me up, need proof? I'd show you but I don't want to put up pictures of my crack here...

And now for the last part of the rules I MUST follow, I have to contact these people and let them know I gave them an award. What? You mean they can't just guess it? I guess since I broke the rule on the quota I havta follow this one. I guess...

Rules. Fuck the rules. Do airports and airlines follow them? Why am I talking about airlines? I am stuck in an airport in Washington, DC. I guess the whole East coast in being tore up by winds and rain. At least it's not of a more evil kind... I shouldn't complain, I only stood in line for 2h07 minutes and will get to my final destination 2 hours later... Coulda been worse... Much worse... Which brings me to say that, if you don't EVER hear from me again then you'll know it was worse than I thought!

My mom would sooooo yell and scream at me for writing that. As if it could make shit happen...

p.s. have you checked out Vicki yet? What the hell are you waiting for? She gave me an award, now go and read her stories. She deserves at least that...  ツ

Feel the Love

Thanks Christy!

Christy from I'm Just Sayin' gave ME an(other) award. I'm blushing. It's the one with the cherry on top, and it's totallycuteandpinkandfullofyummycupcakesandi'mhungryrightnow!

The Rules: (always so many rules!)
1. Thank the person who gave this award to you.
2. Copy the award and put it on your blog.
3. List three things you love about yourself.
4. Post a picture you love.

Thanks Christy, it means a lot to me, it really does. And whenever I start wondering about the value of my blog, and if people like it or not is when somebody out there hears my self doubts and goes out and gives me an award.  So thank you very much.

3 things I love about myself? Only 3? But I love all of me...  Recently my cyber friend the Ninja got this very same award and she made me laugh at what she put down as what she loves about herself... her botox, haha! Silly Ninja, you're such a hoot! Now back to my favorite topic: ME.

I love my laugh. I truly do. Booby always tells me how he loves to hear me laugh, and it is very contagious (loving my laugh? no, not that, but when I laugh others around me usually laugh, I think I've got laughter herps).

I love my ass. It may not be as bootylicious as Miley's (she's been ranting and raving all day about her sista butt), but for a 40-something chick, it's really holding up. Literally.  It's like an athlete's ass (not to be compared to athlete's foot, although I do have the occasional roids, sorry!) Booby always tells me I have buns of steel that go "shin! shin!" when you tap on them. It's a slap-able butt.

I love my life. I really do. Recently I've been working on updating my resume. Yes, I'm on the market. But it's not stressful, since if I can't find something that I love, I still have something cool and exciting: my current job. But, as I was working on my resume and reviewing my life history, it dawned on me how fucking cool of a life I've had... and still have. My sisters constantly criticize me for living like a kid, choosing fun jobs, blah blah blah and my nieces look up to me and say over and over how they want a life just like mine.  If I didn't know myself, I'd want to be me!

And I'm not an arrogant person really.

Post a picture I love? A picture? A? Just one? That's like saying pick a favorite song, or a favorite movie, or a fave book, or a fave lover... Can't be done. SO being the rule breaker that I am I will pick 3 images. One that represents my past, one for my present and one for what will hopefully be my future...

I'm the cute one in front looking at that cute boy. I had such a crush on him... This was taken on a family trip on the East coast, and we're all standing on an old pirate type ship. My mom is the hot blond behind me... Such good times, this pic always makes me smile, I'm smiling right now, are you?

This is the Booby and I, at the races. We're standing on top of the trailer watching the races. Isn't it a totally cool picture? It's like we're looking towards the future, in the sunset. It's such a nice picture. I look like a super hero in the sunset...

When I grow up, I'm gonna run away and join the circus. Oh how I would love to finish my career working in a circus. The Cirque du Soleil, as most of you know is my dream fantasy job. I so want to make people happy! This illustration comes from this Etsy shop here.

Hmm... The rules don't say anything about re-gifting though. Although I'm sure I should be sharing the joy, I don't know how many people to give this out to...I'll ad-lib. I am giving this award to my cyber posse of friends...  (The Ninja already got it, so she's out.)

Holly at Are You Serious;
Miley at Musings of a Confused Woman;
Jennifer at Jennifer Juniper;
Wuppy at Side tracked;
Cecelia at Cecelia Winesap is obsessed...  and
Claire at Car Dancing

I'm Better Than A Dildo!

Thanks Holly!

Getting an award on a day like today is like,  hmmm those Yoplait chocolate mousse yogurts,  or like finding a $20 bill in jeans that were lost under your bed, or like having that extra unexpected orgasm because 3 is just never enough and suddenly because he made you giggle while he's still in there you have another little blast!  Yeah, those little unexpected bits of surprise are nice.

Today I worked in the 100+ degree sun. I was sweltering. Worked hard... And to come back for a shower and a cocktail before going to my friends for a BBQ and finding out I have a little something waiting for me was nice. Thanks Holly!

Also, please check out the other 2 who got this same award:  Catherine from Wink at Me; and Rodney at Mental Poo.  2 awesome blogs, much better than mine, and obviously also just as good as Holly's favorite dildo (I wonder if it has rabbit ears?)

The FUN Award!

Thanks Jennifer!

Jennifer Juniper gave me the Plastic Joy Award! Such fun... I have to make a list of 5 people I'd like to get it on with... As a Vapid Blonde would say: Bow Chica Wow Wow!

Too many people, too little time... I've made 5 categories (rather than limit myself to 5 people, since well if I get to pick who I could have sex with and it's just fantasizing, why limit myself right???) AND I rarely follow the rules so...

In the best friend category, the nominees to have sex with Miss Nikki are:

Jimmy Fallon. He's cute, he's funny, I like the sound of his voice and he just looks like an all-round great guy.

Sam Merlotte from True Blood. He's a shape shifter and turns into a cute dog. A dog is man's best friend and NO I have no desire to get in bed with a pooch, but how about playing with one after snagging a smooch with the oh so cute Sam. Definitely best friend material... And he's hot.

In the she crush category, the nominees to have sex with Miss Nikki are:

Meg Ryan. My first ever she-crush. People use to tell me (quite frequently) how I reminded them of Meg. *sigh* haaa Meg. Yes I did whatever I could to look like her. This was in the big day of course. Now people no longer think of her. She's last year's news, way beyond 5 minutes ago. But I still remember the day (like as in French Kiss) when she was America's Sweetheart. Such a hottie.

Sarah Silverman. She's funny, she's witty. She's cute. And she is hot too. I'd pick her in an instant...

BUT: I think my she-crushes would be more to having a sleep-over, sharing a bed in pj's, watching movies, eating pizza and talking all night long and possibly, after a few toddies, exploring a few things like playing doctor together or something "innocent" like that.

In the crazy-funny-never-know-what-to-expect category, the nominees to have sex with Miss Nikki are:

Johnny Knoxville. He's soooo friggin hot. Look at him, he's got his own style, his own creativity oozing in his wore out jeans. Plus he's a wild one. We could be having sex and fireworks would literally come out his ass! I want to play with Johnny!

Ari Gold. His character on Entourage is AMAZING. He IS the show. With lines like "I'd give myself a blow job if I were flexible" you have to be daring and fun in bed. You have to be. I've always had a crush on him...

Jim Carrey.  He's Canadian. He's hilarious. He looks tender and emotional and sweet. And I love to laugh when I'm having sex. It's all about pleasure right? I loved him in so many movies...

In the if-I-had-sex-with-him-I'd-want-to-marry-him category, the nominees to have sex with Miss Nikki are:

Jon Stewart. I love how he thinks. He's funny. He cares. He's not afraid to say the truth. He's amazing and I know if I had sex with him I'd fall in love with him and want to marry him...

Denzel Washington. I'm not a racist... this man is H-O-T! A superb actor, he inspires passion. His voice, oh he could talk to me forever! I know I'd fall in love with Denzel in a flash! Plus, they do say once you go black, you never go back... I'd love to find out if it's true!

In the he's-just-so-fucking-hot category, the nominees to have sex with Miss Nikki are:

Mickey Rourke. The young one, the Nine 1/2 Weeks one. Not the Wrestler one. Hot stud.

Benicio Del Toro. Speak spanish to me, melt me with your eyes Bennniccccio. mmmmm!

Matthew McConaughey. Hot bod. He's a surfer. He's into all that zen nature shit. Oh, and did I mention hot bod? Wow.

Johnny Depp. I. Cannot. Have. A. List. Of. People. To Have. Sex. With. And. Not. Have. HIM. Did you see that passionate sex scene in Public Enemies? I rest my case.  AND, we could talk dirty in french too...

Thanks Jennifer for inviting me to play! Now, It's Holly's turn and... the Ninja Blogger's turn to play. TAG you're IT!

Apparently I'm Going Places!

Thanks Christy! Find her here...

Christy game ME an award! Thank you very much, I'll put in on my wall of shame fame. Funny, didn't you have a post about awards? Yes, I'm talking to you Christy! Didn't think I was paying attention now didn't ya? If I could do the immature dance of na-na-na-ne-poo-poo with my tongue sticking out and my thumbs against my temples with the fingers waiving in the air right now, I'd soooo do it to you! Ha ha! Yes, I'm the true symbol of maturity. Very distinguished. Oh and by the way, I love the new look of your blog. I think it's more suiting of your nature. Very shazzzah.  By now you should all think of paying her a visit... Mmmm'kay?

Now I have to give this wonderful award out to 3 people who also deserve it (like getting herps and then having unprotected sex with an ex afterwards, cause he deserved it, I think it's called reverse karma, not sure...)

But after I just got it, it's a tough act to follow dont'cha think? Dont'cha? Dont'cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Dont'chaaa! I've got ADD this morning. And no, I'm not that arrogant. I'm very facetious. I love that word. Facetious. Slides off my tongue like warm maple syrup on my delicious hot thin french crepes. This phrase was almost sexual yet it wasn't.

3 blogs that are going places... See I'm an obvious choice because not only is my blog awesome going places but it's going EVERYWHERE! In ALL directions! All over the place, my blog is a Rover who's all over! (Another fine blog title if I do say so myself, but I'm sticking to the current one).

Oh my god... I'm giddy with excitement! Which blog is going places? I've got too many to pick from, and I don't want to a) annoy people with the task and burden of dealing with yet another award (this is getting out of hand, not that I'm not thankful for the high five Christy gave me, which I am but... really?) and b) hurting the feelings of those I don't list here because even if these awards are losing all their zest and appeal because there is simply too many of them I know I feel a bit sulky when a blog I follow doesn't list me, boo-hoo.... To those not listed in these 3 sorry, but if you are on my page somewhere that does mean I love you in a weird way since I don't even know you!

OK, here's my list:

1. Holly at Are you Serious because she's so faithful to my blog and I think she deserves it, she works her ass off on twitter and other message boards promoting her shit, AND promoting OPBs (other people's blogs) oh and of course her blog is hilarious!
2. Jennifer at Jennifer Juniper because she just went through an operation and the day she got home she had to immediately take on the mom and wife role. Give the poor lady a break, and an award! Plus she also is a faithful follower and I love her for that. She's a new blogger and I'm already hooked to her stuff.
3. R.W. at Scuzzymoney because he's an awesome movie critic (I happen to love the same movies he does so that makes him good at it) AND he hates the same people I hate which I also think you should start hating since there is power in numbers AND he's a man. I'm glad to have a man reading my blog, and commenting on the chick shit I put out there. Also he's an avid reader, reading means you're definitely going places...

So there. And this time I'm not running after the "bestowed" because if you're not following me and reading me then I undo my giving it to you.  You snooze you looze. Haha.