Immaturity Is My Middle Name

Disclaimer: Laura from Fetch My Flying Monkeys started this trend. And although Immaturity is my middle name, I have a 2nd middle name and it's Follower. What monkey see, monkey do. And these ransom notes are fun! Not as much fun as Jiffy Pop Popcorn, but pretty friggin close.

Ever wonder where our true beauty lies? They (who the fuck are "they" anyways?) say it lies within. My cyber friend, who should be forever enshrined at the Humor Museum (there is such a thing you know) has shared with me her beautiful innards, which I am now sharing with you. And this is what I found:

When an alien makes a threat, it is best to not laugh. Laughing at alien's world domination threats is the last thing you want. Trust me, they can do stuff we've only dreamed of or seen in cheesy B movies with cardboard red and blue glasses. You know what I'm talking about...

Laser eyes? Eeeeks! Will they cut through clothes? Will they break skin? Cut my body in half? What do laser eyes do? If Mini-Me sees THESE lasers will he hump them? "Mini-Me, stop humping the lllay-zzzer!" OK alien monster, I'm already feeling my fingers go numb and I know your lasers will turn me into a zombie. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

You want me to take you to my leader? Which leader is that? What do they mean when they say that? Who the fuck is our leader anyways? Go see Laura, she's kinda my leader as I stated above, I'm just following anyways. Go, leave me alone! Help meeeee I don't want to be turned into a zombiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!

Of course the alien wants to kiss me. Take a number alien dude! Look at those lips all puckered up... OK alien, I'll kiss you but that's where I draw the line. Nothing beyond that not even 1st base. You can't breed through me. I'm not doing it, I'm not. No means no!

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Back to serious matters. Sorry about yesterday. Sometimes I kick myself for stuff that should stay in the past. Bipolar you say? PMS maybe? I'll get over it. Thanks Minute Man's Wife, you are wonderful.

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This morning I woke up to yet another email from the "ghost". Apparently I am a wonderful soul. He obviously doesn't read my blog.

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This is what you get when you become my friend by the way. Have any pics you want to send me? Some scans? MRI's? Ultrasounds you need me to see and analyze?

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Ever notice all the new self proclaimed Doctors?  Dr Phil. Dr Drew. Dr Laura. In a time when everybody is self-diagnosing their diseases it's only fitting everybody should call themselves Doctor. I only wish I'd thought of it before they did. My hands are already full copying a favorite blogger of mine...