Thursday, October 21, 2010

Bullies Anonymous

All this talk about bullying has me thinking. (That explains the smoke coming out of the page)

By reading the blogs you would think NOBODY is a bully. And I call shenanigans on that one. I don't think we are all innocent and guilt free when it comes to bullying. As a kid I was too tiny and chicken shit to actually be a bully. And I wasn't a leader whatsoever. I was a follower. I was a scared little no self-esteem follower who didn't want to lose her friends.

I remember 2 clear situations where my friends bullied another kid. One was a verbal attack (on a boy I totally had a crush on and begged them not to) and the other was a homely looking girl in my Jr. High where my friends went as far as physically attacking her.

The first situation, like I said, I begged them not to do it and to stop, but that was it. It's where my actions stopped. Then I just looked at the boy with eyes saying "I'm so sorry you have to go through this." I was the new kid in this crowd. It was my sister's friends and I was just hanging out with them because that was it for kids my age in my neighborhood. That was THE gang. I felt like shit afterward because although I protested I could have done more to stop them.

The second situation was a little more serious and sad. It was my best friend's gang from her neighborhood. They started it. (I sound like myself when I was 14 years old). And it built over a period of days where they just hounded the poor girl at school calling her a loser. I would just stay quiet not wanting to insult my friend's friends... But when that one ring leader suddenly pulled the girl's hair everything went crazy out of control. Again, I just stood there.

The ring leader later had friends scratch her arms so it would look like the fight was two-sided. But it wasn't. Then I witnessed her crying in front of the school principal, once again making herself look innocent. And once again, I didn't say anything.

Nobody is really entirely clear of bullying. Look at yourself, really take a good look and be honest. It'll only help you better understand why bullying exists and how to finally put an end to it by knowing what YOU did wrong and how YOU let it happen.

p.s. This has been hard to write, simply because nobody is claiming any personal responsibility and being the first to do it, I just may get a total public lashing. But taking responsibility is the first step to provoking change.  And no, my avatar should NOT be smiling, it's just the image I already had, sorry!



  1. As a kid I wasnt a bully. Harold Farquar tried to bully me once in 4th grade by pushing me off the swings. I promptly picked myself up, marched over to him and kicked him in the junk so hard he turned blue, curled up in the fetal position and cried. The school nurse had to come out and get him. He never bothered me again. After that I became the bully protectors. Now in my teen years, it all kind of leveled off. But yeah, I probably did some bullyish things... like putting drunk Bruce on a train to Atlanta. I'm just glad that as adults MOST of us have learned to not engage and to rise above.

  2. I was fortunate enough to have lots of friends growing up so the few bullys we did have in the old 'hood stayed away from me. But the flip side was that they never picked on anyone in our group without serious retaliation. Overall I am glad to say it wasn't much of an issue for us growing up.

    But this whole cyber bullying thing really scrapes my butt. I'd like to slap those guys around a little.


  3. No public lashing from me. This was a very honest post and one I think a lot of us can relate to. I was friends with the "cool kids" in middle school. They were mean not only to the "losers" but to each other. I broke away from them once I finally realized how mean they were; once I realized they were bullies and I was to simply because I was their friend.

    I would rather be a nice person with no friends than a bully with fake friends.

  4. I will be the first to admit I am a total asshole. I don't claim to be motherf*ckin' Teresa by any stretch of the drug induced imagination - just read my blog! I don't, however, do anything maliciously nor do I single anyone out. I am bawdy and loud mouthed and mean it all in jest.

    You're right, though, perhaps we all do need to take a good long look in the mirror before climbing up on our soapboxes.

    Hello? Pot? I think the kettle is calling...

    Maybe we all need to answer that damned call.

    Great post.

  5. I completely agree. I know that I was a bully when I was a young kid. I'd like to think my situation was different, but it's not. I was a child who's dad was angry and inaccessible and overly aggressive. So I beat up boys, because that's how 3rd graders channel their anger and in my little kid head boys=mean. But the thing is, I'm sure every little bully has a story like that. It's usually not the well adjusted kids that come from supportive, loving homes that lash out.

    It's easy to wear purple on a certain day and to say you believe in equality. But calling your friends "fags" in jest or laughing at the fat girl sitting by herself reading her book or calling all Asian people Chinese...even though these things aren't outright aggressive they're enough to isolate that person.

    This wave of anti-bullying propaganda, while well placed, seems to be focused on the kids who are brazen enough to walk up to another kid and call them names and berate them. I'd imagine that's like 1/50th of bullying. The real issue lies in isolating people because they're different. And adults are just as adept at this as kids, if not more so.

  6. @ Holly: I kicked a boy in the ol nut sack once too, he was harassing me non stop after that he never bothered me again
    @ SD: I don't get it, is it higher than ever now because people are just stressed out or has it always been that bad?
    @ Cathy: being a nice person with no friends, yes I agree only I needed some growing up to do to learn that one
    @ Rabbit: "I wish I had my own little bunny wabbit so I could hug him and love him and pet him aaaalll day long" (where's that quote from?) and thanks a lot for your comment, it did make me feel better, I was really depressed when I wrote that, I think the jobless/homeless thing is starting to sink in (boo hoo me)
    @ Grudge: thanks for sharing that, and you're right about what bullying really entitles...

  7. Dear lord, girl. Are you channeling Animaniacs now? And trust me, I feel ya on the homeless/jobless front. Try being sick on top of it! Bites the weenie - with relish!

  8. @ Rabbit: obviously you weren't a Bugs Bunny fan growing up! It's what the Abominable Snowman kept telling him over and over while he was mauling him (in hindsight I think mauling would be the appropriate term, just like Pépé le Pew was a stalker)

  9. it is just interesting to me how many people posted on this are at least the 5th or 6th i have read...way to call it out as well...

  10. Thanks for saying that. I was bullied as a kid, so although I've been reading the posts, I haven't been commenting on them. I appreciate your story.

  11. Excellent post, Miss Nikki. And I agree. I think we all need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and make sure we remember that when we point a finger at someone, there are 4 more pointing right back at us. Well, 3 if you don't count the thumb! =)

  12. Nikki, don't feel bad that "kid nikki" didn't say or do anything. Adult Nikki totally would. See, it's all about "learning experiences". I don't make mistakes because mistakes are things you regret and you can't regret something if you learn from it. I have an ASSLOAD of learning experiences though!!

    I have also learned that I am more sensitive to things that Grudge was talking about. I'm not the type of person who would talk about someone as "that fat girl" or whatever - even if it was a characteristic she had - but if someone else said it, I wouldn't mind. Now, though, I'm entirely bothered by it. I'm not sure when I matured ;)

    I've been fortunate enough to not see this bloggy bullying, except in one case where the blogger was like "yea, you're stupid". However, I have been cyber bullied before - to a point where I called the police. I will never understand bullies but I think adult bullies have a very sad existence.

  13. Hmmmm...Ok. I will own up. I was a bully in 4th grade; totally!

    Wait! Don't judge too harshly...tho as I had my reasons. Short version...I was a pastor's daughter in a Christian school, hitting puberty at age 12 which involved 'blossoming' from flat chested straight to a C cup and 'sprouting' from 4' 10'' to 5' 4" (where sadly I've stayed). So...I kicked a few nut sacs and punched a few faces but generally it was from being felt up by a hormone crazed 5th grader or having the smelly kid try to kiss me at recess. Once I beat the shit of a kid because he nailed me in the back of the head with a know the kind that are packed so hard they've turned into a ice missile with a rock in the center? Ya...he had it coming to him.

    @ Grudge...I was that fat girl alone in the corner reading a book at one point in my life. A boy at school would always call me fat & for some reason enjoyed grabbing his ass and 'jiggling' it at me (now that I think about it...that kid was disturbed) but now I'm smarter then your average bear thanks to the books & he has been locked up for the last 10 years of his life for manslaughter. It's weird how things have a way of working themselves out.

    So yeah...technically I was a bully but I swear it was really only self defense!

    Am I forgiven?


Unless you are a zombie or a fembot, your comments are totally appreciated! Loved. Desired. And wanted (I added that in case it was not clear)