I got this one this summer. 
I had already decided to change jobs when I got it.

I think Yoda wrote this one...

I got this one so often, I want to put it on my resume.

That previous comment about the resume? Ditto on this one...

If a good luck shower is anything like a golden shower,
I think I'll pass.

My blog has... what 9 awards? That's great isn't it?

 Can I put this one on my resume too? Please?

Stay the fuck away from me if you have any steel bolts in you...

I fart a lot. That is culture isn't it?

Uuuhhh, serve others? I think this is a mistake and
should have gone to my friend.

OK, another fortune for the resume. Who needs me?
Who needs me now?

Dit it. Done it.
Will do it again and again and again.

Now, this is one of those lame ass fortunes that should
NOT exist!

Ah yes, warm person. That is me. So me.
I always wake up with a fever anyways...

I've been saving my fortune cookie messages for years now. I like to pull them out sometimes at the bar and tell stories around them. I'm sitting on my couch and you're not here for me to tell you the story so I'm gonna blog about it. Because I'm weird like that. And, I'm bored.
And hungry. All this talk about fortune cookies, I'm going to get up and eat a chocolate chip chunk cookie. Yum.