Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Letting Go
Letting go is a bitch. And she deserves a swift kick.

Although I am thoroughly enjoying this transition... For once, a major transition is NOT associated to an extreme level of stress. So I'm enjoying the SoCal weather. So I'm enjoying using up our accumulated hotel points and staying in awesome hotels for free. So I've managed to save up enough money these past years to do this the easy way... I'm still dangling in a transition. Ever hear of the expression "Jump and the net will appear"?

I have NO job prospect, yet. And I have been applying for jobs for the past 3 months now. Jobs for which I totally qualify. Totally. But for which I've got zero networks here in this country. If I were in Canada? If I were in Canada, other than I'd be single (my dude is so not into the Canadian cold), I'd have NO trouble finding work. Work always found me.

But you know what? This jobless/homeless situation I'm currently in is no big deal for me. Oddly enough, I'm totally ok with that. But the fact that my expenses are at a huge minimum, I'm still comfy. Shit, if I had rent, electricity, and a lifestyle to pay it would be a totally different story!

What am I doing? This is NOT the purpose of my post!!!

Oh yeah, letting go.

When we left our apartment above the shop we loaded our skis, snowboards, and bikes. The weather was frightening in Colorado, so we only used the snow toys once. Once. In Cali, we've used our bikes almost 10 times already. It's a bitch negotiating the in's and out's of all those toys with the pick-up. A bitch.

And the boat? Oh, it's a done deal. A few more hoops need to be jumped through, but it's ours minus the keys in hand. Until employment is confirmed, we'll be living on the boat. A visit to Play It Again Sports informed us our boards, skis, boots have a total net worth of... (ding-ding-ding-ding) $160. ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FUCKING DOLLARS! My poles alone are worth $150. "Fuck that!" I said.

We walked out.

What am I gonna do with fucking snow toys on a sailboat? In Southern California. Maybe even Mexico. Snow toys. SNOW TOYS... I'm willing to bet I will go back to that Play It Again Sports and beg them to keep their offer!

Letting go is a bitch.

And I'm not done!

I let go of my hopes and dreams and wishes of ever getting my Verizon based iPhone and bought the HTC Droid Incredible. After 15+ hours of personalizing it, adding my contacts (with everybody's picture because I'm messed up like that) and connecting it to my laptop and doing a shitload of stuff: the Droid and the Mac DO NOT PLAY WELL TOGETHER. At all.

What do I let go now?

Also... and this is a big one. Letting go of old contacts. Updating my database I needed to review every single name in there. Are they worthy of my extra work to get a pic in their contact card? How about my dad?

Letting go...

My dad passed away over 7 years ago. 7 years. And today was the first day (of the rest of my life... yuk) where I finally decided to remove his name from my contact list. A big step. I hit the delete button and stared at the confirm the permanent delete for a few minutes. How can I permanently delete my dad from my memory?

Now that's a whole lotta letting go for one day for a homeless unemployed chick lost in SoCal...



  1. Baby steps. You will get where you want to be.

    The journey sounds like it is awesome! Hard sometimes but awesome. I haven't lost a parent so I cannot imagine how hard deleting that number would be but you are deleting the number not the person or the memories.

    Good luck to you.

  2. It's tough to delete Dads. I've lost mine 13 years ago. He's still there. They never leave.

  3. You are right. Letting go is a bitch.

  4. wow. you are making some bold moves...and i know a couple of those were really tough...hang loose...

  5. @ Kimber: yeah, focus on the journey right? it's not about the destination, i'm just cruising along...
    @ mice: i know, but oddly enough, for all these years it felt like if i deleted him from my address book i'd be deleting him from my life!
    @ oilfield: i hear ya bro!
    @ Brian: hanging is all i'm doing, hanging at the boat docks, at west marine (AWESOME boating store) at the pier, at the beach... ツ

  6. Oh wow. I don't know what I would do if I had to delete my dad's number from my phone. I would probably lose my shit.

  7. Letting go is something I have never done well. Stuff, people, emotions, memories. They all have a tendency to linger with me until they become obsolete, faded or just completely lost.

    I think letting go the proper way would be much better.


  8. In an amazing coincidence. My best friend since I was 13 just moved to a ski resort in Utah. He has always lived in West Palm Beach in Florida. He will get to his new home in about 3 hours. He was here 2 nights ago. Any whoo. After our discussion about his need of snow toys due to mucho company coming to visit his snow resort I think I may have a solution for both of you. So drop me a line you know who I am. Also I totally admire your " by the seat of my pants" adventure. I remember those, so long ago ! Have much fun and enjoy every second.

  9. Letting go is hard. but with some things it's the only way to move forward. It often comes down to the choice of deciding what can be held on to & what can go.

  10. jump and the net will appear! i had never heard that but i like it. i like it a lot. kudos on making some bold changes. going for comfort and easy isn't always good for us.

  11. You're amazing.

    My dad passed away over 10 years ago. Not only have I not deleted him from my cell phone (which I didn't have when he passed away), I have continued to add his contact information to every contact list I accumulate in my life.

    I admire your ability to move forward so freely and completely.

  12. there is no time table on letting go you'll do it when you are good and ready

  13. @ Miley: and that's why it took me 7 years (but he's still in my computer!)
    @ SD: I hear you... much better!
    @ Peachy: once our situation is confirmed I will email you for sure!
    @ Vinny: now I can't wait to get back to our apartment and "let go" of MORE stuff!
    @ Patty: thanks!
    @ Nari: I know exactly what you're saying, I'm on to phone #7 and 4 computers later and I kept transferring his info...
    @ Becca: I agree! fully!

  14. I am sorry for your loss. {{{{hugs}}}}

    "Streamlining" my contact lists gives me an identity crisis every time esp. when I scrolled through names of people from former jobs whom I no longer have contact with. Quite a few of them have moved on to VPs, Partners, etc. For sure they have no use for me. Keeping their names felt like vanity. I did eventually deleted them but at first I was quite depressed, thinking, WOW, these were the only cool people I knew...

    Congrats on the boat! Can't wait to hear more. Btw, I thought it's only 2 hour drive to somewhere you can actually ski from LA?

  15. I'm so bad at letting go. That's why I never move ahead with so many things in my life. This is a bold journey you're on. Thanks for sharing it with us.

  16. @ Absence: doncha just hate it when your "equals" become VPs and Partners? They deserve to be deleted (muwah!)
    @ Chrissy: it's HARD! but then again letting go of the old is the only way to make room for the new... :o)

  17. Oh I so wish letting go were as easy as opening your hand and saying goodbye

  18. I really enjoyed this informative blog post. I would expect same in next post.


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