Friday, March 25, 2011

My Favorite Topic: Poop!

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I have a friend who owns a Roto Rooter franchise. And you thought your job was shitty? And yes, I have friends in mighty high places! His happy hour stories are usually quite amusing.

This one day... he tells us how he gets called in to unplug a seriously plugged up toilet. he fishes all the crap out of it and up comes a bunch of condoms. A bunch of them. He tells the guy he should consider throwing those out in the trash, not the toilet. The guy tells him he needs to talk to his wife, since he doesn't use condoms.

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Another friend of mine was a pharmacist. He quickly learned the necessity to provide extra details about prescriptions, even details he thought could go without saying. When a client came back asking "How the heck am I supposed to swallow THIS pill?" when he was waving a suppository, he thought he was going to faint. "Sir, do you know what a suppository is?"  When all he got was a blank stare followed by "Am I supposed to know all the medical terms for various pills? I imagined it stood for horse-size pill!"
***

You know what I hate? The toilet brush. Ugh, how the heck do you get your's all clean after a quick scrub around the bowl? There's always poop crumbs that cling to the bristles. It doesn't matter how harsh I swoosh it around the bowl, poop crumbs just cling for dear life. And when I use it in the boat toilet it's even worse. Why do they call boat toilets heads? And does that make the brush a head brush? And to scrub it, am I actually giving head?

Where am I going with this post?

And trust me, don't ever bring up the poop topic during an interview. No matter the job, no matter how "lax" the interviewer may appear - NO POOP TALK.

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15 comments:

  1. Um yeah, not a job I would want, unclogging toilets. Did the guy have a son or daughter that was old enough to be using condoms??

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  2. shit, that was funny.

    (ewwwww poop crumbs)

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  3. I wonder if Dyson can build a better toilet? I always thought it would be more efficient to attach some sort of hose to our asses.

    No?

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  4. Hahahaha...I have to say that was a pretty crappy post. Loved it!

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  5. Talk to the wife, that was fucking funny.

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  6. Absolutely hysterical post. Loved it. My brother used to pump cess pools for a living. His clothes were splattered and he stunk so bad and his stories were gross. But he made good $$ while he did it. Make me think of him.

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  7. So I wonder how the conversation (confrontation) went between the guy and wife...
    not good I imagine!

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  8. Ok, clearly I need to make friends with a plumber and a pharmacist!

    teeheehee....poop crumbs.

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  9. LOL and EW!

    I had to start buying the disposable toilet bowl thingeys because I wonder the same thing. Poop crumbs. Gross!

    hed hed above water

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  10. LMOA - The plumber story would make a great stand-up joke! Stumbled here from I don't know where, but I think I'll stick around. Cheers - G

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  11. Poop crumbs? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard!

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  12. I can't get enough of poop stories.

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  13. OMG your plumber friend's story!

    Hahahaha!

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  14. I was just thinking of you while I pooped. Is that wrong?

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