Some of you may know this is my 2nd blog. I killed my first blog after over 3 years of regular posting for many reasons...
I advertised the existence of that blog on my race team's website to draw in readers, which worked beyond my expectations. Strangers often came up to me at the races saying how they had to meet me since they read my blog regularly. When that happened I'd suddenly feel naked and exposed. Slowly I started censoring myself. I mainly wrote about the races and life on the road. When I wrote a personal post, I would stare at the publish button for the longest time asking myself if I wanted all these strangers to know such shit about me.
Sometimes it would go even beyond my control as to what could go up on MY blog. My husband (who happens to be my boss as the crew chief) started telling me I had to get HIS ok on posts about the racing... That slowly killed it for me.
It was after all MY blog, I should decide what I write!
But the weird thing was that although I had a lot of readers, I had so very little comments and only 4 or 5 signed in "followers". The readers were mainly race fans, they didn't dive into blog culture and the whole "community" aspect of it.
NOW, with My cyber house rules I get to write WHAT I want and HOW I want. It's entirely MY blog. I get to rejoice behind total anonymity. Haaa, the comfort and joys of talking about having morning sex or my pooping habits... I get regular comments, I have over 50 followers (ok, so it's only 51 and although they don't all read me or comment regularly, they did at one point feel I was worthy of hitting that follow button). I've gotten the high-five from a handful of other bloggers which also means the world to me... But, I always come back to this:
WHY (the fuck) DO I BLOG?
Do I do this only for a handful of other bloggers? And why do I feel the need to tell the world about my nasty past and other stuff? What am I seeking? Am I looking for approval? New friends? What?
I am perpetually asking myself these questions... What about you? Do you go through the same questioning? Or is just a matter of "Oh Miss Nikki, shut up and write more of those crazy stories!"