Monday, August 16, 2010

On the topic of pet peeves...

Some of you may know this is my 2nd blog. I killed my first blog after over 3 years of regular posting for many reasons...

I advertised the existence of that blog on my race team's website to draw in readers, which worked beyond my expectations. Strangers often came up to me at the races saying how they had to meet me since they read my blog regularly. When that happened I'd suddenly feel naked and exposed. Slowly I started censoring myself. I mainly wrote about the races and life on the road. When I wrote a personal post, I would stare at the publish button for the longest time asking myself if I wanted all these strangers to know such shit about me.

Sometimes it would go even beyond my control as to what could go up on MY blog. My husband (who happens to be my boss as the crew chief) started telling me I had to get HIS ok on posts about the racing... That slowly killed it for me.

It was after all MY blog, I should decide what I write!

But the weird thing was that although I had a lot of readers, I had so very little comments and only 4 or 5 signed in "followers". The readers were mainly race fans, they didn't dive into blog culture and the whole "community" aspect of it.

NOW, with My cyber house rules I get to write WHAT I want and HOW I want. It's entirely MY blog. I get to rejoice behind total anonymity. Haaa, the comfort and joys of talking about having morning sex or my pooping habits... I get regular comments,  I have over 50 followers (ok, so it's only 51 and although they don't all read me or comment regularly, they did at one point feel I was worthy of hitting that follow button).  I've gotten the high-five from a handful of other bloggers which also means the world to me...  But, I always come back to this:

WHY (the fuck) DO I BLOG?

Do I do this only for a handful of other bloggers? And why do I feel the need to tell the world about my nasty past and other stuff? What am I seeking? Am I looking for approval? New friends? What?

I am perpetually asking myself these questions... What about you? Do you go through the same questioning? Or is just a matter of "Oh Miss Nikki, shut up and write more of those crazy stories!"


  1. I love this blog and if you close it, I will be forced to become a race groupie to find you!!! okay.. not really.... so just shut up Miss Nikki and write some more stories!!
    Love you....... well like my favorite dildo. That is A LOT!

  2. You're blogs are great and funny and perk up my day. Keep writing and sharing!

  3. Naked and exposed, exactly! My colleagues, or the mothers at school, non of them know i have a blog,until the day comes one of them is going to ask about that itchy bum i had last week.

    Hiding a blog in plain sight,it's a modern day diary but as a bonus people come in and read, relate, sometimes leave a comment and then you go to sleep feeling less of a weirdo.

    at least, that's it for me.

    Finding other peoples diaries and letting me read it, so generous. *if* you are doing it, if only a little, for us: please don't stop.

  4. I love your honesty and no holds barred attitude in what you share.

    I blog because I am finally able to get these stories I have been carrying around in my head for so long out. No one who actually knows me wants to hear this stuff. They'd think I was weird.

    And so, I made NEW friends. :)

    Oh I couldn't even comment on your Weeny Wagon post! I had no words, but I was laughing! :)

  5. I'm with you. I shut down the old one and started over and feel like I can now say what I want when I want. I took down the follower do hickey. I write for me. I love comments, but in the end, I am entertaining myself with my stories.

  6. I agree. I started a family blog long ago and realized talking about my kids is not for moi. I mean, I love them, but they are not the center of my universe and writing about the fact that they ate waffles for breakfast (again) is mind-numbingly boring.

    Write for yourself and I think you'll find that people will love it, just because it's real.

  7. wait...
    You didn't start this blog for... ME?!
    Oh man... Now I'm embarrassed. I guess I should cancel the gift basket filled with dildos.
    Oh wait, that's Holly's thing.

  8. I think we all blog for different reasons and that is what makes it so interesting. I think it is okay to ask yourself these questions. If you know what you want you will be more likely to get it.

    Me, I blog because it helps me improve myself as a writer and develop a voice in front of a captive audience. I never expected to develop a community from blogging, but I must admit, that has made the experience even better.

  9. Thanks for all your super duper nice comments. BTW I did NOT post this to draw in free compliments (although they are nice to get so keep them coming) I really wondered if I'm the only one asking herself why we do this?

    A dildo gift basket! Now that's an idea for Holly (I honestly do not own one, you may not believe me, but I don't!) And Confused, my psychic side did make me start this blog for YOU although I did not know you yet... Oh, and an improvement on the writing skills is a nice side effect of blogging. That's why I do the Magpie thing...

  10. No fair!! You must have taken down the post second before I tried to post my comment.

  11. @ Rachel: at least you got to see it, you were the one who asked after all... but, it was a tad bit too much I must admit! I don't want to scare people off! :o)

  12. i think everyone goes through the questioning of why we blog...

    for me, it's not why, but how much better i feel sometimes getting the shit out of my head.

  13. oh miss nikki, shut up and write more of those crazy stories!

    (i've tried to answer this question as it has been asked on multiple occasions by every member of my family - who discovered it thanks to my mom - and there is no good answer. just do it.)


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