Friday, September 17, 2010

How A Banner May Have Gotten My Friend Pregnant

Last week's racing had a rain out. Rain out did you say? Oh sudden burst of unexpected FUN, binge drinking, wild times and other such pleasure inducing events! I love rain-outs. What happens on a rain-out stays on a ran out. Unless of course you sneak it out of the bar...

Like this AWESOME banner. Every time I'd go to the toilet (which is often once the seal's popped) I'd oogle and admire this friggin sweet banner. I love it so!

I dragged my friend to the toilet with me to show her. And share with her the sight of this beautiful piece of artwork... Without a second thought she yanked it off the wall (it's like 6 feet long guys) and rolled it up and shoved it down her pants. Not a word. Just action. Immediate action. I love her.

The next day I text her (I had obviously forgotten about the whole thing when I saw a big piece of plastic rolled up on my floor) to tell her that her legs must have been yucky. The thing was covered in... something... Spit? Urine? Jiz? Hope it's spit...

We think the banner got her banged up. We're counting the days to her next period.

On another note... I was wearing this t-shirt yesterday: "Natural BLONDE". Silly me, and to prove a point I bought it in a vintage section because I thought it was a Blondie t-shirt.  The cashier (guy) at the grocery store was staring at my boobs the t-shirt and asked me if I really was that dumb? I laughed (had no clue what he was talking about) and replied "Oh you have no idea..."  It took me hours to realize that he was talking about my t-shirt and not the fact that I was paying $10 for 2 measly pieces of salmon!...mmmm salmon!



  1. Thanks for the laugh. This was great!



  2. banner...and BTW...I had to read this about 3 times to get what the cashier dude meant...and I'm a brunette.

  3. OK, I'm THINKING it's the carpet/drapes thing but now you've got me confused!

    BTW, I love that your friend may have potentially gotten laid, and that someone's dead boy babies could have been all over that banner.

    and I want to travel with you and that friend (and only her and you). That would ROCK!

    Oh, and thanks for saying how damn hot I am. LOVE you!

  4. I still drink out of the glass that a friend stuffed in her purse at a restaurant after I'd commented that I liked it. Klepto friends can be handy to have around, no?

  5. nice. way to score the banner...and smiles at the tshirt...

  6. Love the tee shirt. I mean really love it!

  7. @ Kiki: glad I made you laugh!
    @ the Goddess: I know hunh?
    @ Miley: you're just as slow as the Goddess and I (and you're a brunette like her!)
    @ Wombat: hey, I did that for a friend a few years ago, a large marguarita glass, are you that friend?
    @ Brian: ツ you write like a true pro, and I am honored to have you here...
    @ Vapid: it does have your name written all over it!


Unless you are a zombie or a fembot, your comments are totally appreciated! Loved. Desired. And wanted (I added that in case it was not clear)