Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Sex as Part of Your Workout Routine
You all know I am undertaking a very serious intensive work-out program as I get ready for roller-derbying. This is serious shit. I may actually be ready for some Olympic event from all this working out.

This morning as I was debating over doing it sideways, climbing on top or having him roll over me, it dawned on me: sex as part of my workout regimen. Of course I googled on some very serious workout sites what kind of calories I was burning. Please, as you read this do not attempt to do this at home without the supervision of a professional. If you do this, GOOGLE AFTER INTERCOURSE. I cannot make it more clear, if you google during intercourse some unfortunate liquid may splatter onto your computer rendering it rather useless. And gooey. Don't forget the gooey part.  And sticky. Not a very good mix for your keyboard.

I stumbled (heh heh) upon this website explaining all the various calorie burning actions following sexual intercourse. I myself this morning have burned up a total of 429 calories.  This is about the calorie count of 2 candy bars. Or 3 beers. So... I think this means that if I drink only 1 beer today I'm totally ahead in my regimen. But if I drink 2 beers, then I'm still ahead as long as I don't grab a third one. 

The moral of the story is: have sex daily, drink 2 beers and still end up ahead (with a head, hee hee).



  1. Due your regular sexercise routine, if you stop your "workout" a week before you get there, you should be frustrated enough to roll every derby ass you encounter. Especially if you drink lots of beer and stay "high"-drated.

  2. How many calories do you burn in 4 minutes? Before you judge, they are an intense four minutes.

    Ohhh.. my poor lady friend.


  3. After I started dating Bruce I dropped 52 pounds due to lots of sex, drinking more beer and never eating properly because I was always busy. It worked like a charm until we moved south and I lost my job. Damn!!! Now we're too old and achy to do it that much. 4 years makes a big difference when you're 50ish.

  4. I think my WIFE needs those 3 beers for me to have the opportunity to make her feel like a star for 15 seconds.

  5. now that's my kind of workout

  6. I'm pretty sure I'd rather eat some Doritos than try this workout. To the despair of my husband.

  7. As if I needed another way to justify an enthusiastic sex I can claim it as part of my exercise routine... F yoga!

  8. i'm a pro at avoiding the wet spot. i'm pounding wine tonight!

  9. you really should write a book on this exercise routine...i am sure it would be a best any way off to work out...err...

  10. You know what's great about sex? 'Dem orgasm thingees!!

  11. I drink no beers so I'm ahead! But then I drink vodka, and I know it's that whole "it's what you mix it with that's bad" conversation. *sigh*

  12. Is google some new sex move I don't know about?

    I asked my wife, I said, look, I'm supposed to google you after intercourse, and it will help burn calories, but neither of us knew exactly what it was.

  13. If you think about it there's a position for every muscle...

  14. @ Nari: *shakes head in shame* sadly there are times when I go 2 weeks without, I know it's hard to believe but...
    @ OT: it does if you're jumping up and down at the same time and holding a sack of potatoes! kudos to you if that's how you're doing it (also, please send pics)
    @ SD: oh the poor-poor lady friend! then again, 4 min is ok IF and ONLY IF you can keep going like the energizer bunny
    @ BB: 52 pounds??? *eyes poppin out* man that had to have been intense way to go Bruce!
    @ Utah: what? you get her wasted so you can have sex?
    @ becca: you go girl!
    @ Sarcasm: haha, i love doritos! i hear ya on that one!!!
    @ Random: yes. fuck yoga, but that zumba? hmm gotta try THAT!
    @ patty: i hate the wet spot, i'm a pro at NOT having one happen, trust me the post sex walk is NOT a sexy thing!!! (but funny it is)
    @ Brian: hope you had a good work-out! ツ
    @ Organic: haha I almost typed out OrgaSmic for your name, if it werent for dem orgasm thingees WHAT WOULD BE THE PURPOSE???
    @ Krissy: "it's what you mix it with that's bad" are we talking about the vodka or the sex? ツ
    @ Kev: hahaha! please don't ever stop visiting me, your comments are better than... well i'd say sex but i'm afraid my dude might read this and get all offended! but you know what i mean!
    @ Brandy: oooh i like that thought, like it a lot! you must be a massage therapist if you know such a thing!

  15. Ummm... I meant the vodka, but now ya got me thinkin'. :)

  16. Shit, I prefer to not even being woken up. So I burn about three calories. Four if I roll over after.


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