I got an AWARD!!!!!

Holly from one of my favorite blogs http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/ has nominated ME, of all people, for the versatile blogger award. This comes with a HUGE responsibility and here it goes:

• Thank the person who gave you the award. 
• Share 7 things about yourself.
• Pass along the award to 15 bloggers who you've discovered and who you think are
  fantastic. 

So my first task is to thank the one who gave me the award: Thank you sooooo much Holly from Midwestern Mama! Coming from you, a blog I love, an artist that impresses me (and I'm not easily impressed) I am so touched. So moved I thought I'd pee my pants. If you've already read my stories you might think I have an issue there, trust me I don't. hahaha!  (Today I just found out that Confused Woman ALSO nominated me for this...  Thank you sooooo much! You know I had you on my list to tag for this too, but tried avoiding doubling over Holly's list, which explains why I didn't tag 15 blogs, oh that and I never really follow the rules).

Now, the 7 things about me... Here goes:

1. I'm anal. Not turn over so I can make you scream in pain and forever hurt back there kind of anal. Thank god... But I have my closet arranged by color. My cabinets match. My food pantry is beautiful to look at. My linen cabinet could be a snapshot for a towel sale. I would put Martha Stewart to shame in a contoured sheet folding competition any day. Bring it on Martha! I'll out do you ANYTIME bitch!
2.  I've been hit by cars so many times I think I'm a car magnet. Heck a car even FELL on me once. The only bone I've ever broken in these accidents is a finger. I am a woman of steel that attracts moving cars of steel. 
3. I can stick my tongue out and stretch it up to touch my nose. Actually I can flip my tongue upside down in both directions. I've tried sending video clips of this tongue act to the Cirque du Soleil. I am now on a restraining order from them and any of their facilities in any country. haha That part isn't true but wouldn't it be a good ice breaker on a first date? Or make that a great way to put an end to a first date? Why am I talking about dating??? 
4. I am a fan of Sarah Silverman. A big huge fan. I idolize her. Recently she was on the Bill Maher Show. She mentioned how like all big female stars she wants to adopt a kid... But she wants a kid most people would not want. She wants to adopt a retarded child. This evoked a lot of yells from the advocates of the mentally disabled. Sarah explained she never called them retards but retarted. Big difference. She doesn't care about the advocates, she cares about the retarted children. Then she also added that her biggest fear about adopting a kid like this is, one day when this child is grown up, a grown up retarted adult , she'll be old and dying. Then who'll take care of her child? So her solution to this, for her, is to adopt a retarded child with a terminal illness. Sarah is a saint. I see nothing wrong here, only an absolute gift and something very far from the selfish vain attitude most stars have. I love you Sarah! My dude says it would be creepy to send her a fan letter telling her this. So I'm sharing it here hoping she'll see my blog (I did after all get a world famous award) and she'll contact me and we'll become lifelong friends. She'll call upon me to babysit for her. She'll ask me my opinion on how to name all her future kids. I can almost see us, chatting on the phone, laughing at Jimmy's small weenie (must be, why else would they break up?). Oh what a friend I'd be to her...
5. I have 3 older sisters. They all have kids. I have none. That makes me inferior, less experienced in life than they are. It must be! They correct me on everything and always remind me of the biggest mistake I ever made and how I broke my mother's heart. How I turned out all wrong although I have the life they all envy. I travel 10 months per year all paid by work. And I'm the one always smiling, laughing, and totally admired by THEIR kids as being the coolest of the sisters. Not only the coolest but light years younger than them. So take THAT big sisters!
6. I'm 44 and still get ID'd. Well, to be honest last time I was asked for my ID was less than a year ago and it's happening less and less. But up to 2 years ago I was asked every time! I'm proud of this. I like looking young. Makes me want to go to my high school reunions to do some major face rubbing to those snotty girls who made me feel like crap back then and who are now big fat secretaries wishing their husbands weren't cheating on them. Which is probably not true. They're probably too comfortable in their beautiful homes driving their expensive gas guzzling SUV's to bother going to those reunions, but the 1st mental image still makes me smile.
7. Oh no! Already seven? I still had a bunch of stuff to say... Let's just say that I dropped out of high school after getting my high school diploma and I left home at the age of 15 to live in another province alone with my alcoholic dad as I was self-teaching myself to ride a unicycle and juggle with dreams and hopes to become a clown and live in a circus and make people laugh then realized what I really wanted was to make people feel good about themselves and improve their lives but as I got older realized that most people who work in community based organizations are there only for themselves because they feel crappy about themselves so they in return make their co-workers feel crappy about themselves since it's the only way to elevate their own shitty feeling of self-worth so I gave up on community work and now am back in training to be a clown because it's much easier to put smiles on thousands of people's faces by doing what I do best which is make a total utter fool of myself! 

Breathe breathe breathe, wow writing all that in one sentence without breathing gave me an attack of dizziness. Want to know more about ANY of these items? You'll have to keep reading... Those stories will come up, I promise!

Now the harder part. It looks like Golly Miss Holly has nominated my favorite blogs. Uh oh, looks like we have a shared reading list! So I'll try to build this list with blogs she hasn't nominated...

1. Lets have a cocktail
2. I shoulda been a stripper
3. Mental Poo
4. I'm Here
5. Life by chocolate
6. Mean girl garage
7. Holly's Treasure Trove (ok, so I'm sneaky, this is the other blog my nominator has, her artwork is awesome)

More blogs to come... I need more research! You see I'm new to this world, and evidently Golly Miss Holly who nominated me reads the same stuff I do, and nominated those that I would have nominated. So, if I'm following you but didn't nominate you it's because it was already done... I don't quite stalk read enough of you guys yet!