Saturday, May 29, 2010

I Look Hot Until...

This is how I look in a bikini (if this picture was actually of me, but of course... this is a hired model to show a perfect rendition of what I do look like).

But once I bend over or sit down, the party's over because I turn into this:
Once again, this is not me but thank you to the wonderful hired model who agreed to portray me in a once again perfect rendition.

Ladies, bikini season is once again upon us! You know what that means! Ridding yourself of that gauddish bikini line, you don't want to look like a She-Austin-Powers showing off a carpet of shamoo hair wildly growing beyond your hot new overly expensive piece of teeny weeny fabric!

Oooohhhh, I sense a bikini line waxing story coming! How fun! Yeah... coming soon to a blog near you: a bikini line waxing story only Stephen King could think of. Men, you are warned, when you see a title about such a topic, you most likely won't want to read it, but of course will feel compelled to because of my strikingly wonderful story telling skills!

FINE PRINT: Girls, please do not attempt these stunts at home as they are performed by professional models.  We will not publish pictures sent to us by amateurs.


  1. I don't have a bikini wax story but we recently waxed the man-child's back. 17 year old virgin skin combines with wolf-man hair.

    Teach you, you little bastard for never taking out the garbage.

  2. Landscaping the lady garden. A time honored summer tradition. Pulling those pesky weeds out by the roots. Painfully necessary. Its times like when I kneeling on the waxers table, ass up that I think... if I had a penis, this would not be necessary.

  3. "Landscaping the lady garden!" That is by far the best thing I heard all day! Midwestern Mama? Where've you been all my life? And Zoe... wtf mangrooming some 17 yr old? You two are sick and that's why you must be my lost twin sisters or something like that! "Ass up"... I'll never ever forget when my (what do you call a hair dresser for the pussy?) told me to get on all fours. I was FREAKED out! Mega big time! AND I'd already had the student follow the pro day on a pap smear with the obgyn already. But that had me scared beyond anything! Do we have ANY dignity left in our soul if we've done that stuff? Do we? If I had a penis... some much stuff would have been so different, I'm not going there. But I could, but I won't...

    p.s. landscaping the lady garden is the title for the next post... watch out I'm stealing words and I aim to kill! ;o)


Unless you are a zombie or a fembot, your comments are totally appreciated! Loved. Desired. And wanted (I added that in case it was not clear)