Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (again)

I have a super power.

I smell things regular people seem to ignore. For example I can smell fear and anger. Do you know dogs detect this odor to find people buried alive after earthquakes and explosions? It's such a nasty smell, I can't believe others have never noticed it. It's a bitter smell. Rancid. As if the stress is literally eating you from the inside and your body is decaying. Or something like that.

I like to boom boom pow.

I'm thinking of vlogging. There's this meme running around where you pronounce certain words so we can all see different accents and ways of calling stuff. But since I'm concerned with my privacy, I'm looking for a mask I could use. A mask that is half-faced with only the upper part so I can talk freely. This has to be a mask that I feel represents me... It's hard to find since I'm so hard to define as a person...

I like to boom boom pow.

Last week the competition "Live to Dance" came to an end. I loved that show! I was so rooting for that little solo girl. She was absolutely fabulous. I voted for a TV competition for the first time ever. Ha! I guess you could call this show a guilty pleasure of mine. And the shocker was that Booby was totally into it too! By the finale, when it came down to 3 contestants (a ballet couple, a young duo, and a little girl) he yelled that if the ballet dancers won he'd go on a killing rampage!

I like to boom boom pow.

If you knew him you'd totally be doing a double-take right now. He's not the kind to watch a show like this and he's certainly NOT the kind to care about who wins.

The other night I dreamed that the Black Eyed Peas were extra terrestials. In the dream I thought that explained a lot. I like to boom-boom-pow. Then the next night I dreamed I was hanging out with Ted Danson. Ted fuckinghugeforehead Danson! And he was hilarious. Reading a bunch of stuff silly liberal people do. Man I was laughing my face off. Which is odd because I can't remember a single thing Ted was saying. And I consider myself a liberal so why would I laugh at us?

Then in this dream it dawned on me how my dreams were star packed. And then I thought "wait a minute, are the Black Eyes and T Danson really stars?" And then I thought about how none of these guys would go on Dancing With the Stars. And then I thought "yes, they are true stars..."

And then?

No more "and then's".

I like to boom boom pow.

But even in my dreams I know that real stars don't go on Dancing with the Stars. Real stars don't even go to the award ceremonies. They send in videos of themselves graciously accepting the award from the comfort of their own homes.

I wonder what Aretha Franklin smelled like with her flowing white dress thing she wore from her home for her Grammy's recording?



  1. Hmm, I smell things too. Like spring. I can totally smell spring.

    I can also smell if you've been to the local coffe shop. The exact coffee shop you have been to.

    I can smell sickness, ew.

    I've not smelled fear.

    And I have no idea what it means to "boom boom pow" but it sounds fun.

  2. i wish i could have smelled mumford & sons during their grammy performance and bottled that shit.

  3. You are so funny!
    Speaking of the grammies, I really liked the old school vibe it had, but I mostly liked that the little mop haired munchkin didn't win best new artist!

    I smell bacon...

  4. I can smell smoke, pot and body odor a mile away. Very strong sense of smell. I have the best Grammy award from my grandbabies so I don't watch the one on TV. hehe.

  5. The blogger Jewels Diva does a weekly vlog and she uses different glasses, hats, and outfits each week to disguise herself. I especially love how each week she has the funkiest glasses I have ever seen! Get creative with your disguise!

  6. Maybe you can add a fuzzy blue dot in post-production. Or talk behind a back-lit curtain for a dramatic "shadowy" effect.

  7. I can't wait to see your mask when you finally choose one.

    I don't want to smell Ted Danson nor any member of the Black Eyed Peas but I did see Aretha Franklin in her white dress and I imagine she smelled a lot like fluffy marshmallows and vanilla cream...I could have just been craving sweets at the time though.

  8. so you like to boom boom pow...

    smelling the black eyed peas kinda scares me a bit...

  9. @ Vapid: I like to boom-boom pow is FUN to say!
    @ Patty: can you believe they didn't get ANY awards? I can't!
    @ Pat: mmmmm bacon! I need bacon perfume...
    @ Bouncy: cool, you're like my nose sister! yay!
    @ Cyn: oh wow, I'll have to check her out
    @ Mice: I sent you an email... :)
    @ Bluz: sounds complicated, a blue dot? YOU'RE the video expert i'm just a goofball
    @ Nari: I agree with your call on how Aretha may have smelled like!
    @ Brian: haha, yes boom-boom-powing is empowering!

  10. i lost my sense of smell years ago

  11. I can smell fever blisters before they get there - on me and on other people. I can also smell gay. It reminds me of sex. OMG... it's heavenly.

    Also, I love you and I am sorry that I don't come visit you often. I hope to not be in "crazy land" for much longer.

    For your mask, I think the top half should be something like crawfish glasses. Oh! And have a beard.

  12. Aretha Franklin smells like cedar and salt water taffy.

  13. I think the Black Eyed Peas probably smell like old hot dog water.

  14. Maybe you could get a job digging up almost dead people!! I bet that would be a very rewarding career!! No wait, your competition are a bunch of Dogs!! Better just stick to being Awesome!

  15. "For example I can smell fear and anger" I want you to attend one of my real life classes and put your super-sense gift to work :-)

  16. Oh god that's too funny! Love the blog, following :D

  17. I han smell fear too. You're right not a pleasant scent at.all. Just so you know, they really are aliens. The dude says it: "I'm a beast when you turn me on. Straight from the future Cybertron..."

    Yes those are the actual lyrics. Don't ask how I know them.


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