Thursday, June 2, 2011

Are You Happy Now?

According to a study published by the NY Times, in what makes people happy: children are on the bottom of the totem pole.
“Yet contrary to previous research on daily moods, the study found that the women rated TV-watching high on the list, ahead of shopping and talking on the phone, and ranked taking care of children low, below cooking and not far above housework.”
Is this a scary thought?

It’s one thing to judge a sense of instant gratification and an entirely different thing to assess a lifelong sense of personal accomplishment. In retort to CNN and even the NY Times study, I ask: Is this the right question? Shouldn’t the question be: Does having children make you a complete and well rounded person?

In all honesty, this is the question that’s been mulling over and over in my head since the finality of my decision to not have kids: Will I ever be a real complete woman if I don’t have children? Or will I always have the sense that… something is missing?

Read more here!



  1. I agree, it is totally how the question was presented. If you had asked me last night after my boys got into it with each other, I would have named a dozen things that make me happy without mentioning my kids.

    In the big picture they have brought me happiness but I would never in a million years say they have completed me. They are part of my journey as I am for them.

  2. “Yet contrary to previous research on daily moods, the study found that the women rated TV-watching high on the list, ahead of shopping and talking on the phone, and ranked taking care of children low, below cooking and not far above housework.”

    Oh, I see they interviewed my exwife.

  3. People can be hard on those of us women who cannot, chose not to, have children. In my twenties, people pressured me on a daily basis to have kids, but I chose not to in order to break a cycle of abuse in my family. I knew I wasn't meant to be a mom and I've never struggled with that decision.

    Now in my late thirties people have stopped harassing me, and instead they harass my poor hubby insisting he wants kids. He doesn't. We both find it annoying that people insist we have children. We made the right choice for us of not having children, and I wish people respected that.

    I'm sad to hear you couldn't have children because of miscarriages. Always remember, you have lived an incredible and inspiring life, and you have nieces and nephews you can "borrow" so take advantage of enjoying the children but being able to give them back when the diaper is full!

  4. Happiness means different things to different people so I don't put much faith in what "surveys" say.

  5. having children is not for everyone...its a decision you have to make carefully as once you got them it is not easy to get rid of them...i think you can be complete without them...but i got them and love them, most days...smiles.

  6. I would rather be pecked to death by a duck in the crotch than have to deal with children, but that's just me.

    But then again, adults don't rank very highly on my list either.

  7. I think the problem with what they are saying is that"mood" is totally subjective - just like happiness. The saying is that you are only as happy as your least happy child - most days I find that to be true - but there are other days when my mood has nothing to do with my children. They don't define me and having or not having wont define you.

  8. I honestly get less and less motivated to have children the older I get. I just never hear anything beneficial about having kids. You get fat. You're broke. You're strapped for time. You have no personal life. You don't go anywhere for the first few years of their life. You put your dreams on hold to raise them. So on and so forth. I'm approaching my thirties (in three years) with nothing but fear at the idea of having kids.
    And I ABSOLUTELY don't think that having children makes a 'complete woman'. Absolutely not.

  9. Fulfillment comes from within first. If we base it on external things, we run a higher risk of being hurt if that thing were suddenly taken away. I agree with Oilfield. Surveys can never get it all - if even most if it - right.

    P.S.: Judging from my wife's steel grip on the remote, I'd say they at least got that part right.

  10. i think it depends on the person i knew a girl who did not want children and she is very happy and loves her life but for someone else having children might be what makes them feel complete. It is what makes us different and unique

    Everyday Life

  11. Of course you can still be well-rounded without kids. Someone has to be there to give parents advice on how to raise children, without all that "experience" to cloud their judgement! ;o)

    Speaking as Another Childless Douche, I think that if you don't have a burning desire to have and raise children, you shouldn't. Once you have them, you have to go "all in" in order to do it right. Some people have that in them, some don't.

    I always thought that one day I'd be a dad. Didn't work out that way. But when I see all the work and sacrifice (and cash) that goes into having kids, I can't say that things didn't work out for the best. But I DO have to make sure I stay on good terms with my nephews, so there will be someone to look out for me, in my geezenhood one day.

  12. I agree with Oilfield - a survey can't tap the real feelings people have about this kind of thing. Different folks are happy with widely different situations. The key is to live and appreciate each of YOUR situations and decisions.

  13. Darn it! I just wrote a long comment and when I tried to post I got that "No Service" message.

    Anyway, to recap what I said in about 200 less words....
    Having children is overrated!
    Grandkids? Now that's a different story!


Unless you are a zombie or a fembot, your comments are totally appreciated! Loved. Desired. And wanted (I added that in case it was not clear)