Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Honey, I Shrunk My Mom!

Editor's note: this story is best read in a Morgan Freeman narrative. Don't ask. Just trust that as you read this, it's best if you do it with his voice.

My mother has always been the tallest. My entire life I was shorter, of course when I was younger this was rather obvious, but even as I became an adult I never reached her height. Not any more. She turns 75 in November, and she has already lost nearly 2 inches. I think those inches have found their way around her ankles.

My mother is the proud owner of the saying "Be the woman" (or as SHE put it fais une femme de toi, which is kinda the same.) She's also told me more than once to "put some hair on your chest". She's always been such a strong tough woman. Director of Nursing in a major Montreal hospital, she's had to stand strong before hoards of men (the doctors) as she defended her staff (the mainly female nurses).

She turns 75 soon and she is no longer strong. Physically that is. Mentally... I'd love to claim she still is the best story teller. Sadly she no longer is that either. Our family dinners traditionally ended with her telling us stories. Even as we got older and started sharing the wine. we looked forward to opening another bottle as she made us laugh with her crazy stories. She had a way of making a regular old joke her own. We'd believe she was telling us something that actually happened to her until the punch line. She got us every time. Endless hours sitting on the edge of our seats wondering where her new tale would take us.

Before Seinfeld introduced me to the woman with "manhands" I looked at my mother's hands in awe. When she graduated from McGill and ordered the graduates ring, she chose one from the men's catalog. They better fit her big fingers. And trust me, she was not fat in the least bit. She was a slender sexy woman, the kind that made heads turn, even from my friends. She was most likely a milf in the pre-texting days when words were words and not shortened condensed sentences.

Now her stories go around in circles, jumping from one topic to the next, and mostly repeated anecdotes we'd already heard more than once if not a dozen times.

My mother turns 75 in November and I'm not ready to witness the decline of a once strong woman.



  1. I feel you. My dad was the same way. He was one of the most educated people I knew growing up. Since his health problems 2 years ago, his mind seems to be going down the same path.

    P.S.: I always imagine what I'm reading is being done in a Morgan Freeman narrative. Made the set-up instructions for the surround-sound a lot more bearable.

  2. morgan freeman read this well between my ears...i hear you though on not wanting to see a parent time is coming...

  3. it's tough i saw it happen to my grandma and it was sad..hugs

  4. Even if she is slipping a bit, this was a great tribute to your mom! Well done...

  5. True grit is making a decision and standing by it,doing what must be done.

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