Thursday, September 30, 2010

Sex-Ed 101 for Married Couples

Actually, this could be titled "Love Ed 101" but I was afraid I'd be misunderstood and my readers, you my dear peeps, would think I'm talking about loving Ed. Who's Ed? I don't know no Ed!

Married couples let the love die between them. It's common. I just don't know why it happens, but it does. Like 98% of the time. And did you know that 78% of all stats are made up on the spot? Case in point: both previous stats have been made up by this author. They have.

But back to the topic at hand. I am inserting this post in the Blog Gang's dialogue on personal responsibility.

Remember the time when... you first started dating your spouse and you couldn't keep your hands off each other? And how are you doing now? When's the last time you did the deed?

Who's to blame for this current dry spell? I know, my blog is a lot about sex and some may have the idea that I'm some nympho boinking my man daily... Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't. Most times I expect him to get things started (I'm a girl, it's been dug in my brain that the man will always want it). But HE expects me to jump on him and (excuse the expression, his words, not mine) service him.

Both want to feel special and desired. BOTH are responsible for the success of the relationship. And no, I'm not saying the success of your marriage relies entirely on the under-the-cover-sweating-and-panting, but let's just say it's a pretty good barometer (or thermometer) of your relationship. (Sorry wish I knew which one of the meters it was, the baro or the thermo... I must have been skipping class that day.)

When you cross him or her in the house, get good eye contact. Smile. Touch your mate, a hand on the shoulder, a friendly little slap on the butt, a compliment. Notice little details. A new piece of clothing. A new hairdo. She no longer has that unibrow? Tell her how lovely she looks. He brushed his teeth more than 3 times this week? Tell him you appreciate the fact that there are less flies in the house. All these gestures, these are the real actions of foreplay. If you love each other, express it with compliments.

Think twice before bitching, nagging, or complaining and ask yourself if you really need to say that shit. Unless you're married to a horrible person, then he/she is to blame and dump the douche bag right now!

p.s. I stole borrowed this image from Holly at Are You Serious see, this is another gesture of personal responsibility, giving credit to the image source I use on my blogs... I'd hate another blogger to take my writing and not credit me for it, just as I'd hate for my images to be snagged, so please give credit to your image sources you find on the web...



  1. Great advice! Especially about the nagging.

  2. But, if we do all that, then we can't have any fun.

  3. It makes sense to me.. I have never been married but have been in a handful of long term relationships and things have gotten stale then. People underestimate the need to 'work' at a relationship to keep things interesting... and freaky.


  4. Great advice! We're about to celebrate our 11th anniversary and with four kids, sometimes it's really tough to keep the fire going.

  5. Oh, honey, will you marry me? I completely agree with everything you said!
    And I would TOTALLY notice your lack of unibrow!

  6. I think you are so right about the eye contact part. There is nothing more personal than really looking at someone. Bon conseil Nikki!

  7. P.S. Your post inspired me to write about it on my blog today.

  8. On this, my 42nd wedding anniversary (5 of them wedded bliss... not necessarily consecutive), I have to say this is truly sage advice. And eye contact, the passing touch... crucial!
    Great post... and very funny!

  9. i'm all about the raised eye brow says come hither

  10. At the end of the day, it's the simple things that make for a marriage that works. Thanks for the perfectly balanced, funny-as-heck reminder. You seriously rock.


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