Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Takers - Part 2

In my previous post I ranted about how I'm struggling to get certified as a diver. Ghaaa! It makes me mad.

At the end of my 2nd open water swims, I literally had to DRAG this girl 300 yards because her hips were hurting *wimper-wimper* and she was soooo tired *wimper-wimper* and she just couldn't kick anymore *wimper-wimper*. She got her certification.

Ghaaa! It's so frustrating.

And then we throw out this invitation via a Yahoo Scuba Diving group to all announcing we were planning a boat dive into the kelp beds. Of course I couldn't dive because a- my ears were in turmoil and b- I wasn't certified (but the chick I towed to shore was fully certified - wtf?). So my plan was to chill and hang out on the boat while Booby and our new diver friends explored the bottom of the sea. Sans moi, *wimper-wimper*.

This girl we did not know accepted the invitation, plus 2 other divers we did know. With Booby that made a perfect 4. (Perfect because of the buddy system). Yay for them (notice my sarcasm?).

This unknown chick shows up and graciously lets Booby load all her equipment into a dock cart and roll is out to our boat. Then she graciously stands by while he unloads it and sits all pretty in her Victoria Secrets swimsuit twirling her blond braid.

Again, notice the sarcasm?

She goes on and on about Belize and other chartered dives she'd been on. We kinda nod and say the occasional "uh-hun" but honestly, we're so not listening. Then we anchor and they prepare for their dive. And she graciously squeezes herself into her suit while Booby gets her tank strapped into her BCD and regulator. She makes more Belize-related comments as Booby makes sure her air and everything pans out. Then she graciously comments on how hot it is so sit in her wetsuit as Booby now gets to slide into his suit (after prepping his AND her gear).

Booby has everybody's gear sitting in the dinghy (hee hee, "dinghy") and has everybody jump into the water as he sits in the *giggle* dinghy handing out the gear. She jumps out and one of her fin comes off. Now she is lost. Cannot fix her fin. So once Booby gets everybody settled into their gear he has to fix her fin. WTF? One hour later (after anchoring) they are all good to go. The plan is to swim around the boat to the front, and descend holding on to the anchor chain.

Easy right? Off they go. And off she goes, swimming away from the boat head in the water.

WTF? She is certified?

Finally she makes her way to the front of the boat and obviously does not have enough weight. So I have to run back and forth getting her extra lead. So they do the dive, blah blah blah, constantly having to drag her back to the group and she decides to sit out the second dive.

Booby again has to take care of her gear before going back down with the other divers. She lays down and realizes it's chilly when you're wet. Duh. She goes down to change into dry clothes and it takes forever.

And forever later I realized why it took her forever. She was SICK and PUKED and made a MESS. Which she graciously omitted in telling us. And graciously allowed Booby to reload all her gear after rinsing it in clear water and waltzed away.

And I was stuck cleaning up after her. WTF! AND the first thing we told everybody coming on the boat was "If you're going to be sick, do it outside and off the side of the boat!"

So yeah. I am bitter. She cannot swim, cannot set-up her gear, but got certified.

p.s. and did I mention she puked on my boat?



  1. that sucks and eeww she puked on your boat to. I would totally want to throw her overboard without gear..just kidding

  2. Hmmm, gotta wonder how she got certified. Perhaps she kept her wetsuit half unzipped.... oh thats mean of me

  3. is not fair at times...what were the contents of her stomach that may tell you much...

  4. That whole scenario makes me grouchy for you love, that sucks! The tart pukes on your boat?? Uh, no. Not ok. I hope you get to go out and play soon!

  5. Oh my, I would have slapped the woman. I mean if I was you I would have slapped her. No wait, she deserves to be slapped by everyone with a 10 mile radius.

  6. @ becca: re-reading that totally made me think of The Big Lebowski "and they peed on your rug!" haha
    @ Mynx: she did have that air about her!
    @ BM: brown. dark brown. ick!
    @ Random: Yup me too! Doc says to wait 1 month before I dive :(
    @ OT: And everybody loves to witness a good bitchslap :o)

  7. Good lord! Derby AND diving?! You're an unstoppable force of awesomeness!

  8. certified or not, you're still totally bad ass in my book. i second what doc c says!

  9. W.T.FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF???? I would be fricking LIVID! Who does that shit?? You should have pushed her over the side of the boat into her own floating puke. And how did someone else get certified when you pulled her back, but you didn't get certified? I'm confused.
    Also - there is an award awaiting you on my blog.

  10. Ok, so I won't be trying this! The warning: if you're going to puke, don't do it in the boat would have had me walking off the boat!
    That chick though...I'm pretty she was the GD prom queen at my high school!

  11. @ Dr: You're already there, but that comment is also being added to my "that's what they said page" ツ
    @ patty: thanks!
    @ Cake: Cooooool! Thanks Gonna go check that out!
    @ Sandra: Ha! Maybe hunh?

  12. What a friggin cow! I'm thinking there should have been a terrible spear gun accident...

    I grew up under a different system. If you have to puke, you do it over the side. If you have to pea, go check the prop.

  13. Well the puking on the boat really cinched it.


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